Upper Room Media Blogs

Friendship is…

Friendship is…

”You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” “You become who you hang out with.” “If you want to see your future, look at your friends.” “When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends” “You are who you are, by virtue of the company you keep.” Any of these sound familiar? Friendships are a crucial part of life, and the influence of friends on you is undeniable.

Friendship is First Loving Yourself

We should all aim to have a friendship like David and Jonathan. “Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.” (1 Samuel 18:3) First, it’s important to note that they loved their own soul, and therefore were able to love each other with that same vigor. We should not be looking for someone else’s validation in a friendship. Before we chase love from others, we have to know our worth, and love ourselves first. We should not be looking to friends to fill the insecurities we have. Yes, they will encourage us and help us reach a better place, but getting rid of our insecurities is a journey between us and God.

If we fail to first love and invest in ourselves, we risk unknowingly placing a burden on our precious friends to fill that void for us, and this can be fatal to friendships. By knowing where we stand with God, we organically attract friends who are able to complement our beliefs, ambitions, and lifestyles.

Friendship is Built on Similar Values

Another common saying is “birds of a feather flock together.” This just means people who have the same interest and values tend to stick together. I can definitely attest to this in my life. I’ve had many friends throughout the years, but the one group of friends that I’ve kept for over 20 years are the ones I met in church. I’ve changed neighborhoods, schools, and even church parishes, but I’ve never changed my faith. Faith is an extremely strong tie that can withstand any time and place. So I hope you can find a God-loving group of friends that can help you stay on the right track. I’m not saying don’t have non-Christian friends; as long as they’re not a bad influence, have all the friends you want. You want friends to bring you closer to Christ (as you should also be doing for them), not further away from Him.

Friendship is Investing Both Ways

We’ve all had friends that make more withdrawals out of the friendship account than deposits. Some people require a lot of energy and attention, but don’t provide the same in return. Sometimes those friendships can leave us feeling drained. The seemingly Christian thing to do is to keep loving and giving, but I recognize we’re all human and might not always be able to handle the load. So maybe it might be time to cut back on the abundant giving, and don’t have such high expectations. I’m not saying cut them off, I’m just saying find a happy middle ground where you are both putting in the same effort into the friendship, that way there is no resentment or heavy feelings.

Friendship is Knowing What Load to Carry

“Do not be deceived: ‘Evil company corrupts good habits.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33) I’m cringing as I write this part, but the truth can be hard to face sometimes. There are times when friendships do more harm than good. I like to lean towards giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, and believing they have good intentions. But sometimes those intentions fail to show in their actions. If you find yourself in a friendship that is affecting you negatively, then it might be time to move on. I say this with caution, and urge you to consult your father of confession to seek guidance in the situation. I do not want you to stay in an unhealthy friendship (or any relationship) because you feel obligated to carry someone else’s load, when you can barely carry your own, and in fact, it is weighing you down.

Friendship is Edifying

Edifying friendships are the most beautiful friendships, and I pray you can all find them and keep them. My longest friendship started about 20 years ago, when I moved to America. Throughout the years we have journeyed together through middle school, high school, college, singleness, marriage, and now motherhood. We’ve leaned on each other countless times, always drawing strength from the Lord to give to each other. Our friendship was a two-way street of giving and taking. We’ve shared wonderful memories and hard ones too.

We’ve had our ups and downs, just like any normal friendship. We’ve had times where we didn’t see eye to eye, or misunderstood each other. But the one common thing that kept us together was our common love for God and each other, because “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17) In every situation we tried to see the best in the other person. We constantly communicated, even when the conversations were hard to have. When we found ourselves in uncomfortable situations, we stopped and tried to mend it. Not saying our friendship is perfect, but perfectly imperfect. And that’s the beauty of it.

God gave us friends so we can lift each other up.

“Two are better than one, Because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, For he has no one to help him up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

We can try to convince ourselves that we can go through life alone, but man, that can be super hard. Truth is, we need each other. The Bible says so, and even Christ sent out the apostles in groups of two.

If you are in a season in your life where you don’t have a strong friendship(s), then by all means ask God to send you a friend or two. Doesn’t He say, “Ask and it shall be given to you”? (Matthew 7:7)

I pray that you can all have fruitful and edifying friendships that bring you closer to Him, as well as be a great friend that someone can depend on. We should all be holding each other’s hands so we can help each other reach His.

“Ointment and perfume delight the heart, And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.”
Proverbs 27:9

Because He first Loved Us

Because He first Loved Us

By Pola Fanous

We love, because He first loved us. And how could it be any other way? In John 5:19, Jesus makes it clear that: “… the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do.” It is only in imitation of Christ that we are able to love at all. Just as it is only by following Him to Golgotha, that we rise into Paradise with Him; only by sharing in His crucifixion, that we share in His resurrection. As spiritual beings, we know that love is the most natural thing on earth and in heaven. When we reject our divinity, we banish ourselves from the paradise of joy and are limited to primitive modes of being. We become mere self-centred animals to whom love is foolish and selfishness is wisdom. The charity at the heart of Agape love goes against the ethic of self-preservation in evolutionary theory. How fortunate we are, then, to have the wondrous example of Christ to protect us from selfishness:

“If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.”
John 13:14-15

As Christ loves and protects His Church – evermore – so too does a godly husband love his wife! Without our God and his eternal and enduring example, how could we begin to stand a chance? St John Chrysostom, drawing on Christ’s example, advises husbands on how to address their brides:

“I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.”
St John Chrysostom, 20th Homily on Ephesians

In reading these words, my heart not only rejoices, but I marvel at the enormity of our God who is love in all its forms, including Eros! In Song of Songs, we see Christ’s intimacy with the Church demonstrated in erotic poetry so beautiful it eclipses the thousands of love poems I’ve read: “

Your navel is like an elaborate bowl… Your two breasts are like two fawns, the twins of a gazelle… And the fragrance of your nose like apples… Set me as a seal upon your heart.
Song of Songs 7-8

We must not forget that not only is Christ our example, He is Love incarnate. We cannot love without knowing love, and so, we cannot love without knowing God;

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

Indeed, St Simeon the New Theologian writes of the Holy Spirit as the embodiment of God’s love – moving us, stirring us and inspiring us:

O Holy Love, he who knows you not has never tasted the sweetness of your mercies which only living experience can give us. But he who has known you, or who has been known by you, can never have even the smallest doubt. For you are the fulfilment of the law, you who fills, burns, inflames, embraces my heart with a measureless love. You are the teacher of the prophets, the offspring of the apostles, the strength of the martyrs, the inspiration of the fathers and masters, the perfecting of all the saints. Only you, O Love, prepare even me for the true service of God”
Saint Simeon the New Theologian, 11th c, Homily 53

Here, St Simeon speaks of Phila – the form of love most commonly called friendship. This too, must first be shared between man and God – for what greater friend have we than the King of Kings? In Exodus, God spoke to Moses like a man speaks to a friend; in James, God calls Abraham his friend. In John, God goes one step further, revealing that we who do his will are counted as his friends:

“You are my friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from my father, I have made known to you.”
John 15:14-15

It is clear then, that love as Agape, love as Eros and love as Phila – are all spiritual forms of love, all beautiful, all sanctified, all demonstrated and gifted to us by our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ. However, we must also remember one final form of love – love as divine and perfect grace! We are only alive today because of God’s perfect sacrifice on the cross, his saving love towards us.

In short, we love because He first loved us: on every level, in every form, in every way. Glory be to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords: our rescue, our hope, our example and always – Our Love.

No Adults Allowed

No Adults Allowed

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Yacoub Magdy

Passage Matthew 18:1-9

The Lord makes a condition to be accepted into the kingdom of heaven – to become like little children. He further emphasises His point saying, “Assuredly, I say to you…”

We will by no means enter the Kingdom of Heaven unless we are first converted into little children (Matthew 18:2). It is not optional, it is a necessity. We must convert ourselves to the status of little children if we wish to enter the Kingdom.

There are some places that write children cannot enter, or there are age restrictions. In the Kingdom of Heaven, the restriction is the opposite – no adults allowed. Big heads and high positions have no place in the Kingdom.

For this reason, we must be converted, we must come back. The word return comes from the Greek word, metanoia, meaning to repent. To repent is to become a child once more and return to your Father’s arms.

For any servants of our church that gets married, I encourage them to invite their Sunday School kids to their wedding. Don’t follow the world that restricts children. In the church, we love to see children in the church and treating it like their own home. These are the angels we imitate to be accepted by God.

Many of the teachings of our Lord converted standard practices. Everyone thought that the rich were the blessed ones. In the famous sermon on the Mount, Jesus flips this around with the first beatitude that says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.” The standards the world holds dear are different to the standards of our Lord. Now in the 21^st century, we accept this command, but think of those that heard it for the first time more than 2000 years ago. How could the poor be blessed? How could a child be the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?

St John Chrysostom once said that the poor don’t need the rich but the rich need the poor. I cannot arrive to the Kingdom without dealing with the poor. The poor do not need the rich because they have God to cater for their needs.

To the servants, I plead that you do not use the language of leadership. There are many courses under the title of, leadership. Our Lord Jesus Christ never claimed to be a leader but called Himself a Servant. In Sunday school, we use the title of, servant. We do not have leaders. Christ made it clear that if you want to be first, you must serve; “whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28).

When St Augustine was bishop, he looked to those whom he served, he prayed, “Your servants, Lord, are my masters.” If we do not appreciate the weak, the poor and the children, then we have missed all of Christ’s teaching and we can have no share with Him.

When Christ washed His disciples’ feet, St Peter was astonished. How could the King of kings wash his feet? The Lord rebuked him and said it was a must; he could not be a part of Christ’s body unless Christ washed his feet; “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me” (John 13:8). The principle is in that the higher bows before the lower; the adults bow before the children. The concept lies within strength and weakness. But Christ teaches us that if we are not weak, we cannot receive strength from God. St Paul famously says, “Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). The most powerful Hand of the Lord will rest upon the one who declares their own weakness.

“Who is the greatest in heaven,” was a question asked by the disciples that came about from the way they would sit around Christ. On the right hand of the King would sit the greatest, and the lesser moving around in a circle, till the least would sit on the left-hand side of Christ. The Lord didn’t like this concept and made it very clear that this kind of teaching was of the world and not of God. The one that is greatest is the one that bows before others. My location is at the feet of those whom I serve. If any servant accepts the service without putting themselves at the feet of those whom they serve, then they have no share with the Lord.

We learn from the kids whom we serve. We learn simplicity, we learn faith that does not waver, we learn to trust without question, we learn humility from the least of these. Children accept orders when they are given. Be careful not to grow too high in your own self-worth. In the ordination of a monk to a bishop, the monk to be ordained is carried in by two stronger monks and bishops, one on either side. Historically, the bishops would try to escape this role. They escape because of the longer journey that befalls them from the rank of bishop to come down to a child.

The higher the position, the longer the journey, for the Kingdom of Heaven only has places reserved for the children. Never let your position in the church elevate your status in your mind to anything above a child. Understand how valuable the little children are and how valuable their prayers are in the eyes of the Lord. When you need something from the Lord, let the little children intercede on your behalf and see the power of their prayers. When they pray, they pray honestly and in full faith of the God they are praying to. Let us learn from them and become like little children so that we may inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

Celebration of Service

Celebration of Service

Adapted from a sermon by Michael Iskander

Nowadays, we put so much effort into our jobs, our social life, our hobbies, our everyday mundane tasks. These may provide us with some sort of fulfilment or joy temporarily, however, once we have achieved that goal, that friendship, received that new promotion, we are constantly faced with the same question.

What next?

What do we do now, what is there to do, what else can give me a sense of fulfilment. This too can be said when it comes to death. We may grow old and pass away, but then what next? What happens afterwards?

The feast of the apostles has just passed, a day full of celebration and joy. But what exactly is being celebrated? This is the day we commemorate the martyrdom of St. Peter and St. Paul. Yet within the Church we sing joyful praises, there is a lively and jubilant aroma that fills the Church. Usually we associate death with mourning and despair. However, as Christians, we should in fact join the Church in these celebrations, since we know that due to Christ’s blood, we have so much more once we pass away.

We also celebrate this day as the apostles are the spreaders of the Gospel. They have seen Christ’s teachings and continued to preach them to both Jews and Gentiles to allow for our Church to still be standing today, and hence we celebrate them. Similarly, we also bear the same responsibility as them to ensure that we keep true to the doctrine of the Church to ensure Her longevity till His Second Coming.

Therefore, since we celebrate the apostles, we must also aim to serve they did to others. We are not only called to serve Christ, but to serve others also. We read in Matthew 25 that,

“Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.” Matthew 25:40

Thus, in order to truly serve Christ, we must first serve those of the world, just as the apostles whom we celebrate, spreading the good news that is Christ. If we truly desire genuine fulfilment in our everyday lives, service is the only answer.

Ponderings on Prayer

Ponderings on Prayer

Original post by Fr Antonios Kaldas blog site

Among the most direct ways to experience a loving unity with God is the practice of prayer. Put simply, prayer is dialogue with God, the very food of an intimate relationship with one’s Creator and Saviour. Consider St Paul’s quote to the Greeks at the Areopagus:

He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being…

Acts 17:28

The reality is that God is everywhere, and there is no place we can go where we are away from Him. Prayer is the bringing to conscious awareness that presence of God. Most of our lives, we are so distracted by other things that we lose that awareness, we forget that “God is here!” In prayer, we focus on restoring that awareness, on opening the “eyes of our heart” to see Him, and therefore on communicating with Him, with all the love and blessing that entails.

What is the right time for prayer? It is always the right time for prayer. If the understanding of prayer is correct, then when would one possibly not want to be united with God? So, in fulfilment of St Paul’s exhortation to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17), the Orthodox Christian seeks to be in communication with God – aware of the presence of God with her – at every moment of the day. In this way, prayer does not become an activity that is separate from the rest of life’s activities. It is not that I leave my work to go to pray, and then I leave prayer to go back to work. Rather, I pray at all times, but it is just that at some times I leave everything else and focus on nothing but prayer.

Continual prayer may be practiced by reciting memorised prayers or Biblical verses, or it may just be a spontaneous ‘chatting’ with God in one’s mind, a sharing of one’s thoughts with God. Brief prayers are sometimes called Arrow Prayers, for they are ‘shot’ up to God whenever one feels the urge. Many would also consider contemplating the beauty of nature a kind of prayer, for in doing so we are contemplating indirectly the beauty of the master Artist who created it. Even acts of kindness towards others may be considered a kind of prayer, for when I help you, it is as though I am helping Christ Himself, and so I touch Christ in the person I help.

But it is important also to point out that there are some things that prayer is not, or at least, should not be. Understanding these will help us to understand what prayer is for the Coptic Orthodox Christian. For example, prayer is not a mere duty to be performed. It seems unlikely that God merely counts how many prayers a person prays, or for how long a person prays, and that is what impresses Him. What if those prayers are merely uttered with the lips while the mind and the heart are far from God? Surely such prayers do not fit the definition of prayer we have outlined? We cannot score ‘brownie points’ with God by praying more. He knows all that is in our thoughts and hearts, so how can we possibly fool Him by pretending to be ‘holier’ than we really are? Worse still, when a person prays for the wrong reasons, they will usually gravitate to a state where prayer becomes dry and routine. She prays only because she feels she should pray, but the love has gone out of the exercise. This is an indication that there is something seriously wrong with either that person’s practice of prayer, or with their whole relationship with God, and spiritual guidance is needed to heal this illness of the spirit.

Nor is prayer like a magic spell. It is not like some incantation, where if I can only say it right, or with the right feeling in my heart, then God will give me whatever I ask for. In fact, Jesus reminded us that God already knows all that we need, and that He is more than capable of granting us our needs, even before we ask, for He loves us. We cannot ‘twist God’s arm’ and in some way force Him to do something against His will. Nor should we want to, for we believe that God is far wiser than we are, and we pray, as Jesus taught us to pray, for God’s will to be done, not ours. Rather, when we request something of God in prayer, it is not to tell Him something He doesn’t already know, but rather to share with Him our needs and desires, as one might share one’s deepest needs with a best friend.

That is not to say that we should only pray when we ‘feel like it’. There are times when one is tempted to forget God, to put Him out of one’s thoughts. At such times a certain level of self-coercion or self-control is needed, just as self-control is needed to resist other types of temptations. Within the human being are different desires at work, and often those desires conflict with each other. Our free will allows us to choose which of the desires to encourage, but sometimes the opposite desires can be so strong that even that choice is not enough to overcome them. That is when we need to struggle and strive against our human weakness, our fallen nature that would drag us away from our continual and beautiful relationship of love with God.

Original blog found at- http://www.frantonios.org.au/2013/06/14/ponderings-on-prayer/#more-751

Put Off Deceit, Put on Honesty

The New Man: Part 4

By Shery Abdelmalak

“I was just being honest, it’s not my fault you can’t handle it.”

A phrase that claims to be honest but is in fact, hurtful, is more deceit than one that doesn’t even try. It may not be, “your fault,” but there is more to being honest than meets the eye. Every spoken word has an element of subjectivity based on an individual’s perspective, understanding and experiences. You are expressing an opinion but to express it as truth can be scrutinised greatly. If love rejoices in the truth, but there is a lack of love in your words, can it be inferred that your words are more rightly iniquity, rather than truth (1 Cor. 13:6)? Technically, it is your fault that someone can’t handle your honesty, because truth is the combination of honesty in love.

This phrase probably originated from the command, “do not lie.” But honesty runs deeper than spoken words. Honesty entails love and kindness and could never coexist with deceit. In the end, truth will always be revealed by our gracious Saviour, when it is beneficial and only when we are prepared to receive it.

There was a monk named, Abba Paphnuitus. It is written that he was, “full of grace that even the renowned and great men of that time admired his gravity and steadfast constancy, and although he was younger in age, yet put him on a level with the Elders out of regard for his virtues” (The Conferences by John Cassian, pg. 289) Jealousy grew among his brethren to the extent that they wanted to tarnish his great name through an accusation of wrongdoing. A complaint was brought to Abba Isidore of a stolen book. In a land inhabited by the Cross-bearers, theft was not a common occurrence nor were there set repercussions in place. Abba Isidore ordered the cell of each monk to be searched while they were praying in the church. The book was found in the cell of Paphnutius. When questioned, Paphnutius gave himself up so that peace would be restored and humbly requested a plan of repentance.

At this point in the story, the truth was not made known by Paphnutius. If anything, it appears to be hindered by his words. Paphnutius’ sole focus was on his surroundings. He wanted to restore peace and cover the sin of the one who had committed the crime. The request he made was beyond admirable. Which one of us is not in need of repentance? It is not wrong to defend yourself, but for the one that was focused solely on his inner life, defending himself could never measure up to repentance.

When we defend our actions, we begin to see the good within ourselves and in turn, create a niche for pride. We can toss and turn and be filled with distress trying, or we can turn to the joy of repentance and let Christ be our defence. At the very least, repentance should be our first step before every action, in that way we guarantee peace. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who live in me (Galatians 2:20). If He wants me to be seen as a liar, as a thief, as the worst of all sinners, then so be it. Let it be according to His will. I am not my own so how can I be affected by accusations brought against me? All I desire is to be a pen in the Hands of the ready writer of Christ, my Saviour(Psalm 45:1).

Paphnutius began to fast three times as often and prostrate at the doors of the church, not entering to receive Communion because of the magnitude of his unworthiness. After 14 days, the monk that had accused Paphnutius became possessed by a demon so strong that not even the prayers that guarded Scetes could stop him. No one could exorcize the demon, not even the great Abba Isidore. Our Lord would only allow young Paphnutius to exorcize the demon and thus, truth was revealed in the most astonishing way that reached the height of Paphnutius’ repentance.

For truth, the absolute truth, we need more than words. Fr Matta El Meskeen says, “The Word is a double-edged sword, but who is holding the sword? It is God’s own Word, for which He sacrificed Himself on the Cross to give us eternal life from the midst of darkness and death.” Christ is the One that bears witness of the truth. When Pilate asked Him what the truth was, He answered nothing, for His coming death and resurrection would reveal more than words ever could (John 18:37-38).

If the truth can only be revealed through the grace of the Holy Spirit, we are assured that its impact will be for our edification and salvation. Until then, may our words speak love, kindness and compassion, while we await the revelation of all truth from Above. “Nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light” (Luke 8:17).

The Gift of Service

The Gift of Service

Adapted from a sermon by Fr David Shehata

Passage: Luke 10:1-20

On the day of the Apostles Feast, we commemorate the martyrdom of St Peter and St Paul. When we commemorate the death of any of the seventy apostles, we read the passage in the gospel of Luke that recounts Christ sending out the Apostles to preach.

This is a good reminder of Christ’s expectations when we come to serve Him. There are several different things He went through that give us a glimpse into the mind of Christ.

[He] sent them two by two before His face into every city…. Carry neither money bag, knapsack, nor sandals (Luke 10:2).

The first thing He did was sending them two by two. You would think a new movement that you would want to bring a lot of attention to and if you had seventy people, it would be most profitable to send the seventy out to seventy different places. Economically, it makes more sense than sending them two by two and only reaching thirty-five places. Our Lord’s mindset differs from our own in this sense.

Can you imagine a new business starting and your boss tells you not to take anything with you, no resources, no money, no sense of stability? You would be left feeling that you have nowhere to start and nothing to do. Logically, this is an inefficient business model, but this is what our Lord insists on. On their return, the Lord asks His disciples if they missed anything. Were you short of anything; did you lack anything? So we see that there is power in sending out two. Having another person with them eliminated the need for resources.

When you serve two by two, you are forced to rely on someone else. Christ gave them the ability to heal, to cast out demons, all in His Name. If they could do all these alone, they would feel self-sufficient and could easily fall into pride. By making them go out in twos, He allowed them to experience humility. When you have another person with you, you can depend on your brother or sister in the service. If I want to know if my service is pleasing to God and is for the sake of God, I cannot be serving alone. If I am stopping people from being involved in my service, then this is not for the sake of Christ, but is becoming for my own vain glory.

Serving in twos allows us to experience humility. When they went out in twos and a person was healed, each would presume it was through the holiness of his brother, and not his own. This humility is key in service. When I serve God in any capacity, I must be humble. This is key to the heart of God and the key to the success of service. In any relationship or marriage, the key is in humility. One person cannot impose their thoughts and beliefs upon their spouse, but in humility, they look to the desires of their spouse over their own. The Lord blesses us a relationship that has foundations of humility and servitude.

But whatever house you enter, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’

Before service, tell the people that the peace of the Lord is with them before all else. In the service, Christ is looking for peacemakers. A good point of self-reflection – Is my service producing peace? If my objective is to serve someone, I need to be a peacemaker. By God’s criteria, service must involve peace and unity. The Holy Spirit cannot work in a divided environment, but thrives on unity and love.

greet no one along the road (Luke 10:4)

The concept behind this instruction is to always remain focused and steadfast on the task at hand. In the Old Testament, Elisha sent his disciple with the power of raising the dead, but he also says, “Get yourself ready, and take my staff in your hand, and be on your way. If you meet anyone, do not greet him; and if anyone greets you, do not answer him; but lay my staff on the face of the child” (2 Kings 4:29).

Am I focused on my service, or is it an afterthought in my mind? Do I actively pursue service or do I serve only when I have time? Where does my service sit on my list of priorities? The truth is in the result. By worldly standards, the apostles appeared hindered in the service. They had no resources with them, they were limited in their reach because they were sent in twos. Despite this, “the seventy returned with joy, saying, “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name”” (Luke 10:17). They did miracles and the miracles that the Lord allowed them to perform were greater than even He performed while on earth. We don’t hear of the shadow of the Lord healing the sick, yet this is attributed to St Peter.

Imagine the feeling of St Peter as he walked past someone and his shadow healed the sick. It would be impossible for him to think he was responsible for this. It was clear that the power of God was bestowed upon him. It would be difficult not to be joyful when seeing the hand of God working within us. And so comes the warning of the Lord;

“Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Nevertheless do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven” (Luke 10:19-20).

The reason for our joy and servitude is because our names are written in heaven. We partake of the Body and Blood of Christ, we find our joy in that, and not in the works that Christ stirs within us. Christ constantly shifts our focus from the earthly to the eternal. Even to the paralytic man, Christ says, “your sins are forgiven you” before He says, “rise take up your bed and go to your house” (Matthew 9:1-6). This is for us to keep things into perspective, to value the forgiveness of sins over the healing of bodily disease.

Who did I serve? The people in front of me that I can see, or the Lord in heaven that I can’t see? This then influences on where I seek my rewards. Do I know that my name is written in the book of eternity, or do I despair because I am not thanked by the people I served? The Lord tells His disciples, and us, that yes, we will be successful in our service, but we rejoice in eternity and not success on earth.

The Greek Orthodox church celebrates the feast date of St Euphemia yesterday (the day before the feast of the Apostles). St Euphemia was a third century saint that endured much persecution. St Paisos was a modern day saint that once called upon St Euphemia and asked her about her persecution. She responded, “Father, if I knew back then what eternity looked like and heavenly beauty that the souls that are close to Christ enjoy, I would have requested that it lasted forever. Nothing in this world, no eye has seen, how amazing the gifts of God’s grace is.”

When we reflect upon service, do I wait to be asked, or do I actively seek out service? From the moment we are baptised, we are called to service. We are called to jump every hurdle and obstacle that gets in the way of my service to the Lord. Service is to my benefit, when we are with the Lord, His grace is bestowed upon us.

God’s Timing is the Perfect Timing

God’s Timing is the Perfect Timing

By Lilyan Andrews

Original post by Lilies and Thorns Blog

In some cultures (like mine), you are faced with two extremes as you mature. First, “Don’t date or even look at boys until you’re old enough for marriage.” Second, “Why aren’t you married yet? What are you waiting for?” There was no transition time in between the two. Dating somehow disappeared between you’re interested in someone and asking for the family’s blessing for marriage. Pursuing someone was hush-hush, and you only knew a couple was together when they announced their engagement. Maybe that’s because dating was perceived negatively, but there is definitely a healthy and Christian way to date, or court [be involved with romantically, typically with the intention of marrying], as some like to call it.

When I was younger I always imagined my life to play out like this: Finish college, land a great job, make some money and use it to travel the world. Then sometime in my late 20’s I would settle down, get married, and eventually have kids. Boy, was I wrong.

Have you ever heard that saying, “We plan and God laughs.” Well, that’s exactly how I felt when my perfect plan got all jumbled up when I started dating a man who later became my husband. I met Mina (who is now Fr. Antony) my freshman year at NJIT. We started dating, or as he likes to call it, courting, after he graduated from NJIT. He was very intentional from day one, and made it very clear that the whole purpose of us getting to know each other was for the purpose of marriage. His frankness was a breath of fresh air in comparison to all the uncertainty that could come with dating.

If you knew Fr. Antony when he was in college you’d know he was a complete introvert, very different from the vibrant extrovert he is now. My friends and I had a nickname for him, behind his back of course, we called him “peaceful Mina.” He had a certain calm demeanor that drew you to him. Whenever we would be sitting down in groups around the campus center he would always start some kind of spiritual conversation. He would share a nice spiritual book he was reading, or talk about church services, overall they were fruitful discussions. Something really attracted me to him, maybe it was his leadership qualities that I wanted in a husband and father to my future kids. His kindness and gentle spirit were great attributes that I admired.

Our timeline wasn’t your typical timeline. We started seeing each other when I was still a senior in college, he had just started a full-time masters degree in theology. Both of us were only working part-time or interning, but that did not matter. After about a year of dating, then a year of engagement, we found ourselves in marriage bliss. I was 22 and he was 23. Two youngins who had no idea what the heck they were doing, but so excited for what God had in store for them. Looking back on it, God sure took us for a wild ride those first couple of years of marriage (and He still is).

What are you looking for in a partner? Good looks that are fading? A sense of humor that might grow dull? Or wealth and status that can be gone in a split second? Look for a man that can help lead you and your children to the kingdom.

Put God in the center of your marriage. In a country where the divorce rate is very high you have a difficult time making it if you do not invite God to be the pivotal point of your relationship. Understand what St. Paul preaches in 1 Corinthians 13 and you’ll be on the right track.

Many people asked us how we were so sure of this big commitment we were taking at such a young age. As much as I would like to just say, “when you know, you know.” The answer is a much more elaborate one.

First, we prayed about it, a lot. We sought guidance from our fathers of confession, people who knew us sometimes better than we knew ourselves. We were open with our parents and family and had their blessing along the way. We talked to our mentors who had way more years of experience under their belt. We listened to every Orthodox talk you could find on dating and marriage, and even took an engagement class offered by the church. Most importantly, we put God in the center of our relationship and watched Him do wonders with us. St. John Chrysostom says, “When husband and wife are united in marriage they no longer seem like something earthly, but rather like the image of God Himself.” Don’t forget that marriage is a wonderful sacrament, full of mystery, and ultimately should reflect God’s image. St. John also says, “Marriage is the sacrament of love.”

From the moment we got together to the moment we walked down the aisle to the altar of our holy matrimony, I had one constant prayer. I always pleaded, “God if this is not your will please take it away.” By asking for “God’s will” I was asking for the best partner I could have in my journey that would lead me to Him (I do believe there could be more than one person that could fulfill this, but that’s besides the point). As hard as that ultimatum would have been, it would have been much worse if I stayed in a relationship that was not meant for me.

Whatever stage you are in right now. Whether you are seeing someone, about to get married, or praying for the right person to come along. First and foremost, you have to truly seek Him.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29: 11-13

The way God answers everyone’s prayer is different. To some, He will close doors, and place obstacles not meant to be overcome. To some, He will make the journey easy to navigate. He speaks to us in many different ways, and this is where a strong relationship with Him is crucial, so you can identify His voice when He speaks.

“My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.”
John 10:27

Know Him. Trust Him. Trust in His perfect timing. Put Him as the center of your relationship, and everything will beautifully unfold as He meant it to.

To wrap up this four-part series, remember that whether you’re a virgin, or have slept with someone and have repented, you can still have a great sex life. Whether you are single for years or decades, you can still end up in a beautiful relationship. Whether you’ve never dated before, or if you’ve dated plenty of guys and were in sinful relationships and have repented, you can still have a great marriage. By God’s grace anything is possible.

“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”
Psalm 37:4

For more –

“On Marriage And Family Life” by St. John Chrysostom

“Choose Your Spouse” by Bishop Youssef

Embracing Singleness

Embracing Singleness

By Lilyan Andrews

Original post by Lilies and Thorns Blog

When I was attending a High School ECCYC (East Coast Coptic Youth Convention) Q&A session I sent a silly question up to the panel. “What is the right age to start dating?” Giggling trickled through the audience at the anonymous question. My technical little spirit wanted a magical number to look forward to, but little did I know that this question does not have a “right” answer. Now I give talks to youth groups about dating, and I always get the same question. I smile and remember the younger me who was just as curious to find an age to look forward to. Now I realize I was looking forward in the wrong way, and that I should have focused on the present.

How many days and nights do we spend daydreaming, hoping and praying that Mr. Right would come along? How much effort goes into chasing our crush and stalking them on social media? How many moments do we waste just waiting around to be in a relationship?

If I answered those questions honestly, my responses would make you cringe. There were countless moments that I spent doing all those things instead of enjoying my singleness. I saw my single days as lonely sad days, instead of seeing them for what they could have been: time to invest in myself.

“Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, Before the difficult days come.”
Ecclesiastes 12:1

I wish I could tell my younger self to use every ounce of free time I had to focus on myself. To give extra attention to my relationship with God, because it is the one relationship that surpasses all. It is timeless and eternal. I should have used the time to build a strong foundation that can withstand any spiritual storm to come (and many storms did come). I should have gone on every retreat and monastery trip I could find to spend that special quiet time with Him. I should have attended all the available church services to spend more time in His house. I now have two little girls, and if I want any alone with God it’s at 5:00 AM before they wake up. Also, going to church with them is more work than I ever imagined, forget trying to pay attention in liturgy. I can go on forever about how kids flip your life upside down, but I hope this is convincing enough for you to take advantage of the gift of singleness.

I wish I could have used the time and energy I wasted on those passing feelings on fruitful relationships instead. I could have gotten closer to my family. Served my parents more. Spent quality time with my brother. Bonded with my girlfriends more.

If I had the chance to talk to my younger self I would tell her to stop living for the future, and start living for the present!

I always used my prayers to pray for the right person to come along, and for God’s perfect timing. I prayed for my future spouse and children, years before any of them came along. I’m not saying to ignore those things or to not pray about them, I’m saying also pray about your singleness too. Pray for yourself individually and struggle in your own spiritual journey.

There are many direct and indirect messages in the media that might lead us to believe that we are incomplete without someone. Can we please take that idea and throw it out the window?! You are a strong, spiritually mature, beautiful (inside and out), bold young woman wrapped in His grace! All on your own. Do not ever forget that you were made in His image and according to His likeness (Genesis 1:26).

You can live a deeply fulfilling life, enriched with spiritual adventure, thrilling experiences, quiet moments that lead to aha moments, friendships that bring out the very best in you, journeys that take you deep into yourself and bring you back stronger, smarter, and wiser than you ever were. Being preoccupied with another can distract you from fully processing all of the awesomeness that is you.

If you find yourself only hanging out with couples the majority of the time, and seeing relationships all around you makes you feel insecure about being single, then it’s time to change your environment. Find a few single gals you can hang out with. People who share the same struggles and can encourage you to be the best version of yourself.

Or if you are the type of person who likes to jump from relationship to relationship, then maybe it’s time to break that cycle. If you are uncomfortable with being alone, then you must confront that feeling and become comfortable in your own skin. You must be whole before you bring another person into your life. I don’t believe in the “he completes me” mentality.

I know it also doesn’t help when every taunt [older Egyptian woman] is always asking if you’re single so she can set you up with her son. Or always hearing “obalek” at every wedding occasion; that word doesn’t even have an English translation. It’s essentially wishing you to be next. The next graduate, bride, mother, etc. It’s proof that people are always looking to what’s next, and not focusing on the now. The Egyptian culture sometimes doesn’t know what to do with single women. Unfortunately, it tends to value those who are married, and pities those who aren’t. (I’m making a general statement here, of course this is not true in every situation.) This is not a standard you should live by. Live by seeking the kingdom first, and trust that God will take care of the rest.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”
Matthew 6:33

We know that marriage is created for the sake of our salvation, but it is not the only way to salvation. God gave Adam a helper comparable to him so that he should not remain alone (Genesis 2). It was a gift given from God, and I would argue, not a gift meant for everyone. St. Paul starts 1 Corinthians chapter 7 talking about marriage, then he says, “But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.” (1 Corinthians 7: 6-7) St. Paul is referring to his singleness and celibacy when he wishes that everyone would be like him, but also explains that this is not for everyone.

You might have to embrace singleness for a temporary time, but might have to also embrace it for a lifetime. Either way, the end goal is your salvation. Always focus your eyes on the prize: that is Christ. Whether He leads you to marriage or singleness, you should be following Him regardless of the season and the circumstance.

So take a deep breath, set aside any obsessive tendencies you have around relationships, and just focus on you and Him. Embrace it all!

Called to Blessings

Called to Blessings

Adapted from a sermon by Fr Augustinos Nada

Passage Luke 6:27-38

What is expected from us as people of God? The Lord gives the sermon on the Mount as instructions on how to live as Christians; how to live as the children of God. These may seem completely different to what the world teaches us. He is saying, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.”

Human nature tells us that this is difficult to accomplish. It is difficult to love an enemy, to do good to those who do evil. The Lord is trying to give us an understanding that a person of God is different. We need to be different. If we want to have a life in Christ, to love Christ and to love the church, there are higher expectations placed. You have to shine differently to others. This is why He says, “you are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14). We may be living in the darkness of the world, but it is the duty of a Christian to take light from Christ and shine in a dark place.

What Christ is asking of us today is to go the second mile. To push harder when human nature tells us it is enough. It is not easy to love those who hate you, to bless those who curse you, to pray for those that spitefully use you.

The world teaches us to not associate with those that hate us, we should not love them, we should not pray for them. St Charbel is a 19^th century saint of the Maronite church that many miracles are attributed to. He was a hermit monk that lived in the mountains of Lebanon. The Turks were invading the country at that time and they were persecuting many of the Christian monasteries. The Lebanese monks were very strong and full of zeal for the faith. They decided to take arms against the Turkish armies and defend their monastery. These monks went to St Charbel wounded and hurt, seeking his advice. St Charbel was greatly disturbed when he saw them and said, “What are you doing? The Lord calls us and says, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you, so you haven’t done what the Lord has instructed you.”

It was from that moment that the monks changed their approach to the persecution. They were not loving the enemy but fighting them. It defeated the purpose of the Christian faith to hate your enemies.

The Lord continues, “to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.” Do we give to anyone that asks of us? Do we give the clothes on our back in addition to the clothes that were taken from us?

“But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.”

We love those who love us because it is easy to do, but the Lord is telling us this is of no credit to us. He goes on to talk about specific characteristics of our Christian faith. You cannot reach these levels unless there is an internal change. I have to be a certain person that understands the love of God and has a strong relationship with my Lord. I must strive daily to build virtues of love and forgiveness. It requires a person that has such great love for the Lord that these difficult commands become second nature. If you live a life of sin, it is impossible to forgive your enemies. If you are living a distant life from God, there is no way you can pray for those that hate you. If you live a lukewarm life, you will not bless those that curse you, or pray for anyone that spitefully uses you. If you don’t have a relationship to please God, these things become impossible.

In my own internal struggle, I must look within myself and see if I have any kind of hatred or animosity concealed within my heart. It’s okay to stay away from them but if they are near to me, do I retaliate? Do I seek revenge? Do I wish bad things for them? For me to be a person that loves my enemies and does good to those who hate and prays for those that spitefully use me, I need to be a changed person.

We see this in many of the saints. St Moses the Strong was a thief and head of a gang that murder, stole, committed adultery – an extremely violent person. He was the opposite of what the Lord commanded in the Sermon on the Mount. A man full of hate and of the world. What made him transform into a saint?

His repentance. His life with God. His struggle to overcome wrongdoing.

It may take time, but if we have the willingness then the Lord will give us strength to overcome. Everything that the Lord tells us is a reflection of His character. If He tells us to love those who hate us, it is because He loves those who hate Him. If He tells us to do good, it is because His goodness does not depend on our deeds. He says bless those who curse you, because He blesses those who curse Him.

All these qualities are exemplary of how the Lord deals with you and me. He will never hate you, no matter what you did against Him, He continues to do good. On the contrary, He loves you even more. He shows boundless mercy, He tells us to forgive so that we may be forgiven. We know that He forgives us all, even on the Cross, He says, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”

What amazing forgiveness. He was suffering and in pain but His focus was on their forgiveness. This was the greatest act of forgiveness and when we look at Christ on the Cross, surely we can look within ourselves and see why I need to forgive, why I need to love those who hate me, why I need to pray for those who use me, why I need to bless those who curse me.

A lot of people will come and say, “Abouna, it is hard to forgive those who hate me.”

But the early church fathers teach us the best way to overcome wrongdoing is to pray for them by name. Sometimes it may be difficult at the start, but if you are encouraged enough to name that person in your prayers, do you not think that God will hear you?

That person will change before you. Their evil will turn to good. Their hatred will be dispersed. And your heart will change toward them also. God will channel inner peace within you to accept the circumstance. When you feel the grace of God within your heart, nothing of this world can move you. The peace of God supersedes all your troubles on earth. The trick is to mention that person in your prayers by name.

Dear Lord, remember ____ make them a person that I can love again. If they are at fault in any way, help me to forgive them. Make them the person that You have called them to be.

When we mention them by name, it breaks our pride. We stop thinking that we are owed an apology. They may never apologise, but if this is what you truly need to forgive, it becomes more probable when you pray for them by name. They could change toward you, and more importantly, you want good feelings toward them to flourish in your heart.

With any difficult instruction, there is always reward from our compassionate Lord. “Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you”

If you do good, good will come back to you. So often in our church, giving is the most powerful tool. We always see how God repays those who give. He can’t help but give back to those who give in love. Practice giving and see how God will give to you. If God hasn’t given back to you, remind Him of His promises. All of God’s promises are justifiable before our eyes.

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