The Struggle for Victory

The Struggle for Victory

By Archbishop Angaelos

There are many Christians in the world… and we are all trying to find the right way to live. We’re all trying to find a way to be a faithful, committed Christian, and that’s going to mean many different things. Our Lord says, “if you do not take up your cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple.” And for us, “taking up the cross” can mean different things. Sometimes we visualise “taking up the cross” as being this incredibly different feat, this challenge, this constant struggle… and that’s how we see our Christian lives. For others it will be this glory and this grace and this victory… and that’s how we see it.

The problem is, if we live in either of these extremes, it becomes difficult, and it becomes problematic for us as Christians, because if we just look at the “challenge” and the “struggle,” it becomes burdensome. God has not come to give us a burden, in actual fact He comes and says to us, “Come to me if you are burdened, if you are heavy ladened, if you are tired, and I will give you rest.” But then… if we look at the other side of the Cross just being this glorious, victorious symbol of authority, that is also problematic because that could quite easily slip into us becoming quite proud and arrogant… and there is nothing worse than an arrogant Christian, because that again, is the furthest thing from what we are supposed to be. We are supposed to be meek and lowly and humble and giving and sacrificial. All of those things. None of those things equate to arrogance and self- righteousness.

So what is the reality of our journey then? The reality of our journey is the Cross, that it is sometimes… a struggle, but at the end of it, it is a glorious victory. In our lives, we will struggle. We will struggle daily. Sometimes they’re large, significant, sometimes its crippling struggles, otherwise, there will be your daily struggles that just happen as we live life. Neither of those should overcome us, none of that should make us feel that we have no source or strength or foundation to go back to. We remember at that point that while there was pain and struggle and even a sense of ill-repute in the Cross, when our Lord was there crucified. Yet before He left this world, He left us the glory of the resurrection. He told us that there was something to come afterwards… no matter how strong, how significant, how even crippling the struggle, there is always the glory of that resurrection of the Cross. And that is the reality of our journey.

It is a complete, holistic journey. It is not one that is rooted in an absolute, because our journeys continue to shape and unfold. The only absolute is the presence of God and the salvation to which He calls us. The way we live it, the message and the hope and the victory and even the struggle is going to be shaped daily by our experiences and the presence of God in our lives. So… we give thanks for the struggles, we give thanks for the glory and we give thanks for the victory, knowing that when we “take up our cross,” we follow in the footsteps of our Saviour. Just as He suffered, we will sometimes suffer, but just as He, at the end of that journey, experienced and shared with us the glory and victory of the resurrection, so too will we, at the end of our struggle rise in glory and in the beauty of His kingdom and His promises.

True Prayer

True Prayer

A reflection of Metropolitan Anthony Bloom’s “Living Prayer” by St Athanasius’ Book Fellowship

Who are you praying to?

Do you pray to God, or do you pray for your will to be done through God? While we’d all love to say that we pray to God and for His will to be done, there is a more accurate answer. Your life and the person you are becoming reflects your prayer life more truly. You are an image of the one whom you worship.

We know that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. If we are worshipping God in false humility then we know that He is far from us. If we are proud then we make God the object of our own will. We make Him the means to an end, and not the end that we should be striving for. There is a fine line between heaven and hell and that line is drawn in the hearts of each of us.

How then, do we discover this purifying judgement?

When we stand in the presence of God, He reveals Himself to us personally. Jesus teaches us in the final days, the hearts of man will be opened when He says:

“When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats.” (Matt. 25:31-33).

An early Church Father once contemplated on this parable regarding church worship. The church is adorned on feast days. The congregation comes dressed in their finest apparel, but only God can distinguish the sheep from the goats. Our hearts are exposed before God. The goats are those subject to pride – that is, the god of their own will. The sheep are the ones that come to God in the confidence of humility. We could be doing all the right things – going to church, praying the Agbia, reading the Bible – yet infinitely far from God.

To worship God in truth is to recognise that my only security is in You, the Creator of heaven and earth. My confidence is in the One who cannot be shaken.

When thousands came to see Jesus in the Flesh, He took notice of one woman. Not because of any grand entrances, but through the greatness of her faith. The woman who had a flow of blood for twelve years touched His garments and believed she would be healed. At this touch, He says, “somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.”

There is power in prayer, every time we come before the throne of grace. The woman’s response is the same response we should have toward prayer, for in her response lies the humility of prayers heard.

“Now when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling; and falling down before Him, she declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him and how she was healed immediately”(Matt 8:47).

The revelation of true prayer

There can sometimes be an overemphasis of our true human states – “I am dirt.” This was never meant to demoralise. It is truth, and it is a truth that switches our sense of security from our imperfect self to the perfect Creator of the universe.

If we stand in front of anything great, what reaction do you expect? If we compare ourselves to the size of the earth, to the size of the galaxy, to the size of universe, the realisation that follows is how small we really are in comparison. The earth becomes likes a drop in the ocean. There is no comparison. The reality of our lives is that despite how small we are compared to our Creator, it is His love that makes us aware of His presence and our shortcomings at the same time.

In prayer, we don’t start with our sinfulness, we start with who God is, followed by our weaknesses. If you are standing in a dark room and you stumble, the first thing you do is turn on the light to prevent yourself from falling again. When the lights are on, you see that damage you caused and how to avoid it. It is a common misconception that we should come to God when we are good, when we have overcome sin. God is the light of our lives. Through Him, we overcome our sins. Our sins are not revealed on their own. God is first revealed, followed by our sins so that we are supported and guided toward life with Him. When God’s glory was revealed to Isaiah, his first reaction was, “I am a man of unclean lips.” This isn’t even necessarily the result of a sin he committed, it was simply the realisation of the Almighty.

Practically speaking, there are three measures to the efficacy of true prayer;

  1. A sense of security and reliance on God
  2. Recognition of my sins
  3. The way I perceive and deal with my neighbours

The true question we need to be asking ourselves to achieve these, is when I fall, how do I react?

If you have thoughts of disappointments – “I don’t do this anymore, I’m better than that. I can’t believe I’ve fallen again.” This is reliance on self. The biggest danger is the nagging voice that says you can make yourself better independent of God. “You’re better than that.” When those self-reliant thoughts are exhausted, turn to God.

The old Adam hides, blames others and ‘clothes’ himself in an attempt to cover up his insecurities. God is like a parachute that we hope we don’t need to use. We don’t want to pull the parachute to keep us alive. God is a nice add on to how you want to appear, an image that will not last. We need to shift Him from our last resort to our One and only hope that we run to at all times.

Another question we ask is, do I pray more fervently in church than I do when I am alone?

We may appear good before others but what about God? I want to be recognised for doing good before God. While there is nothing wrong with praying among others, make sure that after every day, it is in the hidden place that you complete your search for the Almighty.

Let us stop asking “How are you” but imitate the monks who say to one another, “How is your prayer life?” For there is no life that is separated from prayer.

Entrusting Our Lives To The Lord

Entrusting Our Lives To The Lord

By Fr Mark Basily

You’ll always find that the church is opposite to the world. In everything. The world says fear, the Church says don’t fear. The world says death is sad, the Church says death is happy. The world says suffering is bad, the Church will say suffering is glorious. You’ll always find this beautiful contrast taking place. One of those things is fear. The world always makes things fear, fear, fear. And Christ comes and says don’t fear, don’t fear, don’t fear… just trust Me. In fact the most repeated commandment in the Bible… is “do not fear”. The most repeated commandment from the mouth of Christ, is “do not fear”, “do not worry”, “why you worrying”, “it ok”. 125 times in the Gospels we are commanded not to worry or not to fear, or something along the lines of trust Me.

It’s the most repeated commandment, and it’s actually a commandment. A lot of the time we think “don’t worry” is like advice. You know, “Just don’t fear, don’t worry, it’s ok… got your back”. And we may say, “oh that’s good advice God… yeah great advice…. I may take it on board in my life”. It’s actually not a piece of advice, nor is it a way of life… it’s a commandment. It’s like “do not steal”, “do not murder”…. “do not fear”. It’s a commandment. God is commanding us to trust Him. And so when we don’t, I have to confess… I have to go tell Abouna in confession and say “I was worried”, “I was scared”, “I was fearful”, “I didn’t trust” … because it is a commandment of God from us not to fear and not to worry.

The question for us then is how? How can I get to this level in my life where I’m not worried, I’m relaxed, you know…. It’s all good, I trust God?  I really believe that this is the key to happiness. If you want to be happy in your life, you have to be able to trust God. There is a place you can be in life, where you’re permanently happy. No matter what. And I think that’s where we need to be in our Christian walk, our Christian life. We need to be in a state where, “you know what, I’m sweet, I’m happy… and nothing can take that away from me”. So how? How do I get to that point in my life? No matter what happens… let’s say I failed my HSC, I lose my job, I’ve lost a loved one. How can I get to that place in my life, where nothing can shake me? Ill offer three ways, and its all about trusting God.

The first one is to place your treasures in heaven. And I’m giving you words from Christ. “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But lay up for yourselves, treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroy, and where thieves will break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also”.

This is usually the root cause, of our loss of peace, or our loss of happiness. That my treasures are on earth. If my treasures are on earth, then as Christ said, we can lose them. Therefore you will lose your peace… because where your treasure is, there your heart will be. So if I’ve lost my treasure, I’ve lost my heart. Where your treasure is, there your heart will be.

The second way to increase our trust in God and to live happy, is to trust God in the small things in my life. Our Lord says this, “Look at the small things in my life, for they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? Now if God so clothes the grass of the field which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, of little faith”.

And so here Christ is challenging us to increase our faith by looking at the small things. Even the things like birds. And that’s a lovely exercise to actually do in our spiritual life, whenever you see a bird around, remember of this verse. You know that Abouna Augustinos always says that you never see a depressed bird. There always annoyingly happy. Always happy. They wake up in the morning happy and whistling. You never see a sad bird like “uuggghhh”. They’re always happy. And Christ says look at the birds… they’re okay… and aren’t you more precious than a bird. Of course you are. And if God looks after the bird, he’ll look after you. So trust God even in the small things in our lives.

God looks after our little needs. Its very easy for Him to solve a problem. Its very easy for Him to look after Him in our daily lives, in our day to day needs. I just have to trust Him.

And when I learn to trust Him in the smaller things, then ill learn to trust Him in the bigger things in my life.

The last way to live happy and entrust my life to God, is to live for the present moment. Our problem sometimes is that we live regretting the past, and worrying about the future. And so my mind is always in the past or in the future. And that’s always where there’s darkness. The past is darkness. The future is unknown, its dark as well. The only time that is real, the only time that has light… is now. Is my present moment.

Bridging the Gap

Bridging the Gap

by Anthony Zaccariotto 
When I look back on my own spiritual health, the practice of inventory is one that I cannot emphasize the importance of enough. Through inventory, we examine our lives, our weakness and in turn, our source of strength in Christ becomes pivotal. I write this blog from personal experience in an attempt to help everyone discover the source of their spiritual lax and to bridge the gap that is between us and the Grace of God. If you throw a frog into a basin filled with boiling water, immediately it will jump out. If you put the frog into a basin filled with cold water and heat it up slowly to the point of boiling then it will stay in there until it dies. This is exactly how the devil works – slowly at first, making us comfortable and guilt-free and before we know it, we’re trapped. When I was a personal trainer, I realised that everything I ate and drank was essential to my progress in achieving my goals. When I realised that I could train until I was blue in the face yet ruin it by some cake and chocolate after dinner I knew that in order to progress I had to cut out the sweets altogether. This is exactly the same concept with our spiritual life. C.S Lewis once said that “Good and evil both increase at compound interest. That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.” Our phones are one of the biggest problem we face. We may start by checking out our Facebook or looking at a YouTube clip and before we know it, we are on the road to a whole avenue of time wasting. We hop from one thing to another and neglect our spiritual duties. It’s no big deal. Just a few more minutes. A few more minutes then turns into maybe I can just skip prayer for tonight. We forget verses from the Bible that once kept us on track like, “If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off & if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out”(Matthew 5:29-30) Have you ever noticed that you can stay up until 2am watching ridiculous TV shows and yet when it comes time to stay up and read your Bible you fall asleep very quickly? What has happened here? Habits are formed very quickly and we can become immune and oblivious to them once they have found a home in our subconscious. We are reminded as Christians that the devil is going to make every attempt to distract us from serving God and worshiping Him. In this day and age, I cannot imagine how many methods he is using to lock each of us into his traps. There are so many habits that have us trapped, just like the frogs in the increasing heat of water. What happened to thanking God when we get home from work? What happened to the time we spent with Him, instead of all kinds of technology? In order to break this terrible cycle we need to form new and better habits. When someone starts a new diet, they are not going to see immediate changes. They need to be consistent for a few weeks and then they see the weight loss and increased strength. The same applies to our spiritual life. When we are feeding on spiritual nourishment and are committed to spending time with the Lord we will yield these moments of Grace. Our Lord emphasised this clearly in the parable of the sower. It’s time to sow the good seed and yield our crop. How do we do this? St Ambrose of Optina gives us the answer, “If you don’t feel like praying, you have to force yourself. The holy fathers say that prayer with force is higher than prayer unforced. The kingdom of heaven is taken by force (Matt 11:12).” We need to make the effort to draw closer to God so that He can draw near to us. He is ever-present, but we don’t realise it when our lives are consumed in this world. While we are living in this world let us prepare for the next and start forcing ourselves into action. Nothing here is going to satisfy us except Him, and it took me a while to figure that out. Our lives are too short and we cannot afford to waste any time. “For what is your life? It is even a vapour that appears for a little time and vanishes away” (James 4:14)

Use It Before You Lose It

Use It Before You Lose It

By Fr Thomas Hanna

We need to learn how to be patient… when do we need to be patient? We learn this from James 5:7?

“Therefore be patient brethren until the coming of the Lord see how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain.”

When do we need to be patient? We need to be patient when circumstances are uncontrollable! We’ve got to learn from farmers… farmers do certain things that are in their control and certain things that are not in their control. They don’t control when it rains or when the sun comes out… they don’t control these things and these things are necessities for seeds to yield a crop! Uncontrollable. Uncontrollable things! See how the farmer waits for the “precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives its early and its latter rain”? So God knows what is needed for this crop, He knows that an early rain is needed, that there needs to be sun in between, then rain again afterwards… God knows this. 

We need to learn that there are certain circumstances that we need, that are often uncontrollable. For instance, how about reconciling with someone, is that always in your control? It’s not always in your control because sometimes, a person may want to reconcile with someone and sometimes that other person just doesn’t want to reconcile or is just not ready for it… uncontrollable circumstances. We have to realise that there will be certain situations in our life that will be uncontrollable. We need patience there. When else do we need patience? My brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord as an example of suffering and patience. What did the prophets do? What’s the job description of a prophet? To prophesise, to help people repent, to spread the good news, to be the voice of God. Name a famous prophet? Jonah. Jonah was a prophet. Jonah was a prophet that was sent to a city that needed repentance. Were those people, in his mind, changeable or unchangeable? Unchangeable! And that’s why he decided not to go in the beginning! We have to understand we need patience when people seem to be unchangeable! Show patience and there will be peace.

A lot of times when we’re arguing with someone and they seem that they don’t get me, they don’t understand my situation, what I tend to do is… I tend to speak louder! Because maybe they’ll understand if I speak louder, or if I speak slower and louder they’ll get it, or if I use simpler words, they’ll get it. But seriously… if I show patience in my household, there will be peace in my household. But if I don’t show patience, what’s going to happen? Things will blow up! That’s not because of others… thats because of me! So patience needs to be there when people are unchangeable. 

You’ve heard of the perseverance of Job. We need patience when problems are unexplainable. Job didn’t have an explanation about what happened to him. He was the wealthiest person and then within 48 hours, he had nothing. He lost his family, his friends, his business, his health… he lost everything. It was unexplainable why things happened like that. Why did things like this happen to Job? Why did God have to put him through this? Or why did God allow it? No one can observe this and say “yeh that was a good idea God”… no one is going to say that. There’s certain things in our life, problems in our life that we won’t be able to ever explain.

When we went to Bolivia, we took a group to a disabled home, which was the last thing we were doing in Bolivia. It was very hard on us to go… we didn’t know what to expect. When we got there, the first thing we saw was disabled children that were in cages and distant… images that are really hard to forget and very hard to see. And the first question that we had was… why? Why God are you allowing this to happen? Why do they still exist? Like why don’t you cut their lives short and let them live in heaven with you where there’s no grief and no sorrow and no groaning, why wouldn’t You let that happen?

That was our first question. Unexplainable. These are things that are unexplainable, because there is nothing that God could tell me right now and say, I’ve done this, I’ve allowed this to happen to this child for this reason and I would go “wow, that is a great reason.” There’s nothing. Because we would always find a reason to say “that’s not a good reason” or “there’s a different way to do things” and a lot of us struggle with the idea of – God why are you doing it that way?

Recently, we’ve been speaking to some of the youth and their questions are going back to “Why did God even create the tree of knowledge?” Why did He put that tree there if He knew we were going to fall? Why did He put it there? Doesn’t He love us?”

And all these questions are coming, and sometimes we have to understand that there’s going to be problems in this world. We live in a broken world, and it’s not going to be explainable. We can try as much as we can to explain it, but at a certain point, we’ve got to just say “Okay God. I accept and I’m going to cooperate with You.” So why be patient? Why patience? Because God is in control.

Love (Ardent Series)

Love (Ardent Series)

By Fr Michael Sorial

Gifts are very prevalent in the new testament. In the new testament, you hear the word “gift” 50 times. However, there’s two different words for the word “gift” in the new testament.The first one is “charisma” and the second one is “doron,” and so, we’ve been talking about these gifts that God has been giving us over the Advent period. He’s given us the gift of peace, the gift of hope and the gift of love. In the new testament, these two Greek words for gift have important meanings – one of them is God giving to us, and one is us, responding to God. Charisma is from God, so this is God giving to us, and doron is us giving to God or others. Usually God will give us a charisma, he will pour out a spiritual gift on us and our response back to Him is to give a doron. The word “Theodorous” or “Tawadrous” for instance, means gift of God, Theo meaning God and doron is gift, so it’s a gift of God – he sees his life as a gift offered back to God. God gives us a gift, and we respond by giving gifts to Him, or giving gifts back to others.

Usually, when we say charisma, it specifically signifies a divine gift and a doron is usually something that’s given to God or others in order to honour them, or to say thank you. So what makes Christmas the greatest story ever, I believe, has to do with the fact that Christ gave us the greatest gift of all! The first Christmas gift He gave was God Himself, giving His Son to us. It’s not just the first, most expensive gift… it’s also the greatest, it’s the most needed, it was a gift that we didn’t know that we needed… this is what makes it the greatest gift of all. You may have been to football games where you see John 3:16 on posters, what does it say?

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whomever should believe in Him should not perish but should have everlasting life”

God so LOVED, so that he GAVE – because of God’s love for us, He gave His Son. In Romans 8:32, we’re told that St Paul says that He did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him, freely give us all things? The key word is “with Him,” so what St Paul is saying is that He didn’t spare His own Son, because He loved us, He gave us His only begotten Son, so that with Him, He would freely give us all things. In other words, the gifts of peace and hope and joy and love and glory – and all the different spiritual gifts like the fruit of the spirit – those are the things that come along with the greatest gift, Jesus himself. If you’ve ever seen those gifts where there’s a box within a box, within a box, within a box – that’s kind of what it is. The big gift is Jesus and inside of that big gift, there’s a bunch of other small gifts. Jesus is the greatest gift, He is the gift that is most precious, He’s the most expensive gift that there is.

But… within that gift, there are other small gifts!

“Seek first the kingdom of God and all righteousness and all these things will be added onto you”

So the great gift is Jesus Christ. We are often told that the spirit of Christmas, is all about gift-giving. From a Christian perspective, I would argue that it’s not all about giving, it’s also about receiving – but not just receiving any ordinary gift, it’s about receiving God’s gift of Jesus Christ. The spirit of Christmas is about receiving the greatest gift, which is Jesus Christ Himself. We tend to think that the Spirit of Christmas is all about giving gifts to others which they’ll really like, but what the spirit of Christmas is actually about, is receiving the great gift, because He so loved the world that He “gave” – and what do we do? – We “receive” that gift, we say this is for me, this is mine. We do this as part of the church’s liturgical annual cycle, to remind us that this is an ongoing reality, that Jesus came to earth to share the gift of His love with each of us.

There’s a poem that was written in 1885 by Christina Rossetti and she was attempting to express what Christmas meant to her:

“Love came down at Christmas,

Love all lovely, Love divine;

Love was born at Christmas,

Star and angels gave the sign.Worship we the Godhead,

Love incarnate, Love divine;

Worship we our Jesus:

But wherewith for sacred sign?Love shall be our token,

Love be yours and love be mine,

Love to God and all men,

Love for plea and gift and sign.”

What an absolutely beautiful image of Christmas! That Christmas, is love incarnate, it’s Jesus who we worship, He offers Himself as a gift and token to alll humanity. The reason why we give gifts on Christmas, is because God began the tradition by giving His Son to us, and so we respond back. We respond as the wise man responded, coming immediately to give a gift back, to honour the King who was incarnate. He comes to give us Himself – God with us, and they respond with a doron, and we follow this ever since.

21

21

by Monica Said

“When the Lamb broke the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of all who had been slain for the word of God and for the testimony which they held.” Revelations 6:9

05/02/2015

I can hear the waves crashing against the shore and a tranquillity fills me. I breathe in the stinging cold air, paralysing my voice. The ocean breeze feels like a heavy blanket pushing against me, its tiny granules whipping my exposed ankles. The fresh air is a stark reminder of what it’s like to be alive. With every step, my feet sink into the wet sand dampening the rim of my orange jumpsuit.

I am led by a man clothed in black from head to toe, but I am following You. I see You ahead. Limping. Naked. Wounded. Carrying a large, wooden burden over Your bare shoulders. I watch You, oppressed, afflicted, being led as a lamb to the slaughter,

And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, You open not Your mouth (Is. 53:7). I watch as You stumble, getting up tirelessly every time until You collapse into near-unconsciousness. As I get closer, I can see the splinters digging into Your pale skin, moistening as they filled with Your blood. A woman rushes to You and wipes Your face with a cloth, Your blood absorbing through its yellow seams leaving behind a scarlet imprint of Your sublime face. The silence of the beach transposes into the ridiculing of a crowd, forming into a mob as they mock You, the loud muffled noise so real that it almost ruptures my eardrums. All these men and women have forsaken You – betrayed You! But I will still follow You. I will be loyal to my King.

You remained focused, walking along Via Dolorosa, while I keep my focus on You.

Love suffers long and is kind

05/02/2000 

I breathed in the invigorating air smelling of grass and manure, running freely around the field with the sheep. My uncle smiled as he watched me.

“Bishoy!”He called out to me.

“Yes Umo [uncle]”I replied obediently, immediately planting my feet into the muddy ground.

“Come, I want to show my favourite 13-year-old nephew how I prepare dinner.” He said while waving his hard-laboured arm in the air, signalling for me to follow him.

“I’m your only 13-year-old nephew” I replied, raising my eyebrows whilst broadening my smile. As we laughed, he tousled my curly black hair.

“I’ll help you. What should I do first?” I asked naively.

“Your job is to choose a lamb from the flock and bring him to me.” He said.

I stopped in my tracks. Now a few steps ahead of me, my Uncle also stopped, turned and faced me. We momentarily looked at one another in silence. I must be obedient.

I ran around the field out of breath while chasing after the sheep, stumbling and grazing whilst my uncle stood steadfast watching me. I finally took hold of a young lamb, and held him in my arms, his soft coat tickling and warming my slick fingers. I walked towards my uncle who now held a coil of rope in his hands.

“Now bind his feet with these ropes”

05/02/2015 

The handcuffs imprison my wrists, pinching the skin that remains where my Coptic Orthodox cross was tattooed. They knock against my back, the metal harmoniously clacking with my fellow brothers in the row of orange which is linked to the row of black. Although I cannot see You now, I precede to walk resolutely until we stop.

I am pushed softly into the sand allowing my weak knees to fall gracefully. The coldness of the wet Arab sand further numbs my knees, deadening my legs.

My weak body erects itself into a straight posture in Your felt presence. The commander begins speaking daggers into my ears. I can feel him waving his knife in the air, sending currents across my neck and chills down my frail spine. A whirlwind of fear encompasses me. What must I give up for my testimony…?

My life?

My wife?

My children?

I tilt my head to glance at my uncle and the others kneeling on their knees staring into the distance where the dark sand meets the freshly planted grass. Behind us stand the row of slaughterers clutching the collar of our jumpsuits from the back.

I stare helplessly into the clouds. I see You facing me now.

Love bears all things,

Believes all things,

Hopes all things,

Endures all things.

05/02/2000 

The impotent lamb helplessly clicked its hooves together. My uncle laid the bound animal on the muddy grass to be slaughtered. It was innocent. Unblemished.

I sat on the grass next to the lamb with my legs crossed. I laid my hand on the lamb and as I stared into its eyes, it stared into mine. Its pupils dilated, its golden sclera now filled with twinkling black. Immediately I was filled with sympathy and distress, my chest wrenched with anxiety as my brows creased and tears uncontrollably ran down my tensed face.

It saw the terror and helplessness in my own eyes. It bent its head down in understanding.

It knew this had to be done.

I knew this had to be done.

05/02/2015 

As the thin cold metal slides effortlessly across my neck, I feel a magnetic field surrounding me, although my head is being thrust into the sand, I am rising. I am drawn towards the sky – towards You. I stare into Your calming eyes of an unexplainable colour, almost a pale blue with a tinge of orchid, beneath Your perfectly shaped golden-brown eyebrows. An overwhelming feeling of joy and peace overcomes me. As You smile at me I am blinded by the glaring of Your milky teeth so pure a white that it makes the snowy clouds look grey. But this does not offset the fluorescence of Your glowing beard, each hair lit with electricity moving in the wind elegantly like a current. Your light proliferates throughout the entire sky, filling the atmosphere and metamorphosing into sweet smelling incense. So, bright that it sears into my retinas, burning into near blindness.

I stare into Your graceful eyes as my body dissolves into the sand.

I am one of the 21.

Love never fails.

“For the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.” Revelation 7:17

How to Survive the Christmas Season

How to Survive the Christmas Season

by Meray Mansour 

When we talk about Christmas what comes to mind? Or rather what should come to mind? The birth of Christ, Charity and spending time with family seems to be the obvious answer?

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple anymore in 2018. “Christmas depression”, “Coping with Christmas” and “Holiday blues”. These are our headlines today.

This holiday season which once symbolised hope, joy and a time for gratefulness has instead become an untameable reminder of loneliness, financial burdens and family quarrels. How has the definition of Christmas warped so much over the last few years? Nowadays, it essentially represents the exact opposite of the birth of Christ.

As you walk into shopping centres, you get blown away by the number of “SALE” signs, you pick your self up only to stumble on the “Buy one get one free”. That’s ok, you dust yourself off and continue your way but an “offer ends 30thof Jan” comes at you with no warning and you’re left there on the floor staring at all those beautiful people wearing clothes, make up or gadgets, which you yourself could own for only 50% of the price. Of course, at this point, it wouldn’t be smart to turn your back on all those deals. Think of all the things you could have. This is the right thing to do and maybe along the way you’ll find something to buy for the family.

A present for you, and a present for family and friends. It sounds like a win-win situation.

 “No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.” (Matt 6:24)

Is it really though? Let’s look at it from another perspective, what if Christmas hadn’t become a season of sales, what if the shops all closed for a week and what if Santa didn’t come this year. Maybe then we can walk around and see what we’re left with. Parents wouldn’t fret about having all the presents neatly wrapped under the tree, no one would complain about how stressful all the shopping for Christmas is and lastly, we would remember why we have these holidays in the first place.

We have commercialised Christmas so much that now generations have grown up not realising the foundation of it. It is a season to celebrate Jesus. This is the time, if not always, we remember what He did.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)

Jesus gave. When given 5 loaves and 2 fish, He multiplied it for the people, when attending a wedding in Galilee He gave them wine even though His “time had not yet come” and lastly when they crucified Him, He gave them forgiveness “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34)

It might seem that after all of that, it is expected from us to never step foot inside a shopping centre again.

“The Lord is good to all, and His mercies are upon all His works” (Psalm 145:9)

In everything there are extremes and priorities. So rather than donating all our money we can start small. Change your perspective, instead of giving presents, give time. Buying a boardgame? OK now play with them. Buying a pair of shoes? take them out. Don’t spend all that money on Christmas decoration unless you plan on enjoying it with others.

So, after all that, how do we survive the Christmas season without any stress or anxiety?

Put yourself last.

“Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:24)

 

How to Transform Your Spiritual Life in 2019

How to Transform Your Spiritual Life in 2019

by Shery Abdelmalek 

Have you ever looked back on the most difficult times of your life and remembered how close God was without you even trying so hard? The struggles that you went through have passed now but the spiritual peak was one to remember. There will always be highs and lows but we need to make the most of them both. If we aim for higher highs then the lows won’t be as low as they used to be.

At our lowest of lows, we can sometimes hide behind a mask of “I’m okay.” We were not called to be “okay.” God did not look upon His creation and think, “yeah, it’s okay.” He looked upon His creation – He looked upon you and I – and breathed His own breath, He made man in His image and in His likeness (Gen 1:26). He loves us with an everlasting and unfailing Love (Jer 31:3). His love surpasses all knowledge, and all ability to comprehend His excellence.

By heavenly standards, we should boast in our infirmities, and not resort to shame, as the world may fool us to believe.

Sarah and Abraham had prayed for a child for years. They implored God for a child, yet heard nothing in return. That was until they had aged past the point of child bearing. Sarah had endured tears, pain, anguish for a child that she had prayed earnestly for in her youth, that surely could not come after she had aged. Yet a visit from the Lord revealed to Abraham otherwise. “Therefore, Sarah laughed within herself, saying, “After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?”” (Genesis 18:12).

Sarah laughs innocently; what had once caused her much pain was now something she was resigned to. In laughter, her insecurities remain hidden – no one needed to know the pain of being barren. Sarah hid her shame through laughter to cover up what she thought was the delivery of false hope, but with God, all is exposed so that His glory may be made manifest. God couldn’t allow Sarah’s prayers to finally be answered without recognition of the value of trusting in Him, the One that makes miracles out of the impossible.

For Sarah to see the full blessing that the Lord was about to bless her with, her moment of weakness when she laughed had to be exposed. “So the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I surely bear a child, since I am old?’ Is anything too hard for the Lord? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son” (Genesis 18:13-14). If even Sarah could give birth, then surely nothing that causes us pain will go unnoticed by our God.

To reach new peaks this coming year, find your hidden insecurities and weaknesses, and give them over to God, the provider of strength. Find joy in your imperfect self so that His grace becomes sufficient. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). We have assurance in trusting in the One that is perfect, without blemish, without change, and not we, ourselves.

Metropolitan Anthony Bloom of the Russian Orthodox Church says, “The spirit of slavery remains very close, and its standards are still there and very potent: a slave has somewhere to rest his head, a slave is assured of food, a slave has social standing, however low, he is secure because his master is responsible for him. So, to be a slave, however painful, humiliating and distressing the situation, is also a form of security, while to become a free person is a state of utter insecurity; we take our destiny into our own hands and it is only when our freedom is rooted in God that we become secure in a new way, and a very different one.”

Security in Christ is far greater than security in ourselves. For every humiliating, embarrassing detail of ourselves that we’d rather sweep under the rug, remember your Creator. Remember His promises, the One that promised Abraham that he would be the father of many nations, did not falter. “And not being weak in faith, he [Abraham] did not consider his own body, already dead (since he was about a hundred years old), and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform” (Rom 4:19-21)

If Abraham, can hold faith in the seemingly impossible, surely, we can reveal our weaknesses and sins so that we may be edified in Him. Our weaknesses allow us to approach Christ with a broken and a contrite heart. A broken and a contrite heart is the one that receives blessing, that receives virtue, that receives wings to soar like eagles (Is 40:31).

King David says, “a broken and a contrite heart, these O’ God You will not despise.” God knows you’re weak. He knows your brokenness. He knows that you will fall. These are not self-depreciating facts. These are the pre-requisites that will make you “holy, blameless and unreprovable in His sight” (Col 1:22). We think that if people knew our weaknesses, we would be despised, but God has purpose behind it all.

Where is there to hide? You were not made to justify yourself, but to be a “vessel of honour, sanctified, and fit for the master’s use” (2 Tim 2:21). To hide behind shame in fear of what God may think of us is in no way plausible. Whatever causes a state of brokenness and contrition of heart will put you in greatest of spiritual states- if you allow their exposure.

God cannot fill what is already filled. He cannot mend what is not broken. The key to answered prayer, to attaining any kind of virtue is a broken and a contrite heart. There are no long prayers or services that compare. The state of brokenness and utter dependence on Christ is what changes a person.

“If only the sinner knew that all his trespasses, transgressions and infirmities were but the point of God’s compassion, pardon and forgiveness, and that however great and atrocious they might be, they could never repel God’s heart, extinguish His mercy, or fetter His love even for a single moment. If only the sinner knew this, he would never cling to his sin or seek isolation from God as a veil to cover his shame from seeing the face of Christ, who is trying to show love toward him and who is calling them!” — Fr. Matthew the Poor

In this coming year, may we remember to approach Christ with a broken and a contrite heart, so that we may attain virtue and knowledge that can only be granted through grace.

My Coming to Faith

My Coming to Faith

by Anthony Zaccariotto 

I come from an Italian Catholic background, was baptised at birth by my parents and  received Holy Communion when I was 8 or 9 years old. It may have been as a means of pleasing my grandparents and keeping tradition but, after this, I never learnt about Christ or the Christian faith and religion seemed to be disregarded after that.

I was very spoilt growing up, my father would give me anything I wanted and more. Throughout high school and in my early twenties I was lusting, chasing girls, going to parties, drinking, smoking, spending, travelling, and was never really too concerned with study. I have been working ever since I finished high school and the majority of it has been in my father’s businesses.

Often in my life I felt very lonely, empty and like no one understood me. I was never satisfied no matter what I did whether it was partying, sex, drugs, drinking, smoking, travelling or making money. My heart was yearning for something that nothing in this world was able to satisfy. There was always this gap inside me that never seemed to be filled. No matter who I talked to in my life, I didn’t get an answer that helped me. Not from my family, friends or even my girlfriend at the time. This began my search for meaning and truth.

I started my search in literature; self-help books, philosophy, biographies etc. They were very interesting and did help quite a bit but they were still not filling the gap. A lot of them talked of success, ambition, contentment, gratitude and staying positive but they were not answering my questions. I can understand when people want to set goals, achieve success or want a better life for themselves and their families, but I did not really know what to do with them as I had been spoilt growing up and already knew that wealth and success was not enough. I have met many rich, wealthy and successful people and to my amazement it almost seemed like they were the ones who were struggling the most inside. I hope I don’t sound arrogant when I write this I am just opening up on how I felt.

Very shortly after my search I ran into a young man who I hadn’t seen since I was 14 years old. His name is Tony, and he also goes St Marks Church. I saw him at a cafe one day right next to the office where I work. Tony and I were good friends when we were in high school and would hang out quite a bit. However, this boy was probably the wildest, craziest, most disruptive student in the school. He would be cursing at teachers, vandalising as well as, receiving detentions and suspensions. It wasn’t long after commencing year 8 that he was told to leave the school. He gives me full permission to tell this story by the way, so I am not going behind his back here. We both still joke about it with each other.

Anyway, I see him at this cafe and our faces just light up, I sat with him and we had a big conversation. I noticed however something was very different about him. He was the exact opposite of what I remembered. I understand people mature in life as the years go by, but this was something way out of the ordinary. He told me about his story after he left high school; how he got into a bit of trouble, how struggled through pain and how he needed help and eventually found his faith in Christ.

Now this really intrigued me as it was not like anything I had ever encountered before.

Not long after this, I began to open up about my story to him. About how I was going through a tough time in my life trying to find answers, looking for meaning and purpose and trying to find what the universe wanted from me.

Tony said to me with great confidence and a cheeky little smile that what I needed was a Saviour and that he had one for me. He made me laugh and anyone who knows him knows how hilarious this man can be. I dismissed everything he said because it just sounded silly and religion was a topic I was not interested in.

After this run into each other we exchanged numbers and continued to meet up. It turns out he worked only a few doors down from my office. I kept opening up to him about I felt and how I was just sick of the life I was living. Even though to many people out there I had the ideal life, to me it didn’t feel that way.

Tony continued on how he understood what I was going through. He explained that I needed to pray and I needed to have faith in God but it still seemed silly to me. I’ll give you a direct quote from Tony: ‘Mate scrap all those books that you are reading, there is only one book you should be reading and that’s the Bible’. Anyone who knows Tony will know exactly how he would have said that. One day down the track he was even kind enough to buy me a Bible and other books about The Church such as ‘The Fear of God’, ‘Return to God’, ‘Love the summit of virtues’ – all books written by Pope Shenouda.

The whole thing still seemed ridiculous to me but I told him I would at least give it a shot, after all he was kind enough to get me these books. I started with Genesis and straight away I knew I was not interested, especially with what the world had programmed into my mind about ‘reality’, ‘evolution’, ‘science burying God’ and the whole lot. So I put it down and dismissed the whole thing. By the way, I need to add in a quote here from C.S. Lewis “a young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading”.

He told me to come along with him to church and just give it a try. It was the night we had Gary Raymond preaching along with some of the fathers in the church. Probably some of the greatest sermons I have ever heard and they touched me in a very profound way. Soon I did some more research on the church, its history, its beliefs, Christianity and of course science. I was hungry for answers and the truth. I eventually found it. I guess it’s true when they say that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. A little J.P. Morlan quote to everyone who reads this -‘God maintains a delicate balance between keeping his existence sufficiently evident so people will know He’s there and yet hiding His presence enough so that people who want to choose to ignore Him can do it. This way, their choice of destiny is really free’.

I could go on and on here but I am trying to summarise as briefly as I can.

I had a meeting shortly after with Father Mark and we had a very nice talk. He was even kind enough to welcome me into the Coptic Church which was a real honour. This church had some of the most wonderful, kind and loving people I had ever met, mong many other wonderful attributes. The rest is history from there.

My closing statement to all you readers is best summarised by Ravi Zaccharias and Bill Craige: I have travelled the world, I have searched high and low, and I have found nothing that satisfies my mind, my heart and the deepest longing of my soul like Jesus does. If you are sincerely seeking God I promise he will make his existence evident for you. God bless you all and I can’t wait for you the reader to come and join me and transform the way I did.