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Growing through Trials

Growing through Trials

By Lilyan Andrews

Original post by Lilyan Andrews’ blog, Lilies and Thorns, 10 Oct 2020.

Sometimes I stop and look at my husband and say, “Wow, we have a great life, thank God.” But, that doesn’t mean we have an easy life. Find me someone who has an easy life, and chances are they’re not really living. We didn’t get here accidentally either. There is no denying that God has blessed us tremendously, but even among the blessings, there are many trials and tribulations.

I’ll never forget that year we spent serving in another state. We were far from family, friends, and our usual support system. Looking back on it, I can admit that I was not ready for what was coming, but I’m so thankful for the experience. I was an optimistic young wife who really wanted to serve God in any capacity, and never said no to anything. So when my husband and I were asked to go serve a church in another state we easily said yes (this is after we almost moved to Australia to serve, but that’s another long story). Needless to say, I had no idea what was coming.

Adjusting to a new environment was tough on its own. And on top of the normal struggles of supporting a husband who is serving full time, I had a new job that I did not feel qualified for, and with no friends or family nearby, my world got flipped upside-down. Not only did it take a toll on my mental health, but also on my physical health. I had trouble sleeping, I lost my appetite, and lost a lot of weight without even noticing. My internal struggles manifested in an unhealthy physical way.

I remember reading 2 Corinthians 11 & 12 and finding comfort in learning how St. Paul dealt with his struggles. Of course my struggles were nothing compared to his, but in my little world, they were huge.

And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:7-10

By the grace of God I finally made it out on the other side. With the help of my father of confession, talking to mentors, and lots of prayers, I was able to move past the hardships I was facing. When I felt comfortable enough to share this experience with friends, I called it “growing pains.” Like the growing pains a baby goes through then they’re teething. They are miserable and in pain, but it’s a necessity, they need their new teeth to grow in. The same was happening with me, I needed to go through this pain in order to grow. I would not have been ready for the next step in my life (my husband’s ordination to priesthood) if I had not gone through this experience. God taught opened my eyes and softened my heart to many things.

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
Isaiah 48:10

God really does refine us by fire. Just look at the story of Job, Joseph, Moses, Jonah, or just about any other person in the Bible. Tertullian said, “The greater our trials, the greater our rewards.” It definitely doesn’t feel good as we’re going through it, but I can’t argue that it yields greatness. And no matter how hard the tribulation is we have to remember to be of good cheer, but He has overcome the world (John 16:33).

My friend, Youstina Asaad, was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year and is currently undergoing chemotherapy treatment. It not only came as a shock to her, but to all her friends and family. She was in denial that a 28 year old with no risk factors and no family history would have cancer. She felt fine, healthy, working hard as a surgery resident, and planning a wedding that was two months away. Her life was in full bloom.

She said, “I knew that God sometimes sent trials and sometimes allowed them in our lives, and I was okay with that, but there’s no way that it would happen now, would it? Once the doctors confirmed that it was definitely cancer, to be completely honest, I was very shaken. Every possible worst case scenario went through my head in that moment. I then realized that this was a gross lack of faith – what happened to “be anxious for nothing”? The mere fact that this was so unlikely and a “very random thing” as my doctors described it, is evidence that it could only have happened by God’s allowance, and I know that, “All things work together for those who love God.” Whatever it was, whatever would happen, would be for good. What more could I want?”

I asked her how she thought God was using this experience in her life, and she told me, “I have yet to see His grand plan for this season of life, and maybe I won’t get to see it in this lifetime, but I pray that He uses this as fire, and I hope to be as gold, purified and refined.”

What a beautiful prayer that is! How many of us can truly ask to be purified and refined by fire? It’s not as crazy as it sounds. St. Augustine said, “In my deepest wound I saw Your glory, and it dazzled me.”

It’s through the fire, the trial, the tribulation, the chastisement, that God really refines us to bring us closer to Him. To get closer to becoming His image and likeness. After all, He sacrificed His life for humanity. I wish there was an easy way to get there, but no where in the Bible is life promised to be easy. We’re told that we have to go through the narrow gate to get to the Kingdom, and that it will be filled with trials and tribulations. So are you willing to let God take you on that journey of growth?

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Trials by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-trials

Growing through Reconciliation

Growing through Reconciliation

By Lilyan Andrews

Original seen at Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, 3 Oct, 2020.

Confrontation. It’s an uncomfortable word, but a necessary one.

It is only through confrontation that we can arrive at reconciliation. When you face a problem with someone, what is your first reaction? Is it to brush it off and pretend that nothing happened? Or is it to face it right on and address it?

For many years I took the first approach. I was too wrapped up in pleasing everyone and wanted everyone to like me. So when a problem arose and something bothered me, I told myself to be the “bigger” person and just let it go. In hindsight, I can see that was not the best approach. I was definitely fooling myself when I thought that being the bigger person meant ignoring the problem. When I would “let things go” on the surface, I was actually burying it so deep down that it unconsciously festered in an unhealthy way. So if I lost my cool one day it would all come bursting out in an ugly way.

My friends, if I could give you one small piece of advice, I’d say… If someone does something that bothers you, don’t bury your feelings, but speak up with love.

Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
Ephesians 4:25-27

And just because you approach someone with love and speak truthfully it doesn’t mean that what you have to say will always be received positively. Even with the best intentions and great communication, some will choose to not accept your viewpoint. In the case of friendships or relationships, you have to ask yourself, is this friendship/relationship worth working on? If the answer is yes, then roll up your sleeves because it’s going to require some serious work (depending on how big the issue is). If the answer is no, then you do your best to make sure there are no hard feelings, and might have to let this friendship fizzle out. Do this all without disrespect, without resentment, and without sinful anger like it says in Psalm 4:4, “Be angry, and do not sin.”

It might even require involving a third party to resolve the issue. This is where a father of confession, a wise servant, or someone you trust can come in handy. The Gospel says the following, “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’” (Matthew 18:15-16). It is your duty as a Christian to try to resolve the issue, but don’t always expect it to be smooth sailing.

I have a friendship that is near and dear to my heart. The way we always resolved issues was surely not the best. If someone said or did something that upset the other person unknowingly, we would never bring it up. What ended up happening over the years looked something like this: I messed up. It bothered my friend. She didn’t say anything about it, because she loved me and didn’t want to risk ruining our friendship. But I had no idea it bothered her, so I kept doing it. Until one day it all exploded. It got pretty ugly, to the point where I wanted to avoid events we were both invited to. It took us months (or actually more like years) to figure out how to mend this friendship that we both valued. It was nothing other than the grace of God that gave us healing and allowed us to move forward. Forgiveness is a beautiful gift that we sometimes take for granted.

Confrontation isn’t easy for me, it gives me that knot in my stomach feeling, makes my voice shaky, and my heart beat a little too fast. I could tell confrontation wasn’t easy for her either, that’s why we both played the avoidance game for so long. We could have never come to where we are today if we didn’t pull the trigger on that tough initial conversation (and many more that followed). Confrontation and reconciliation shaped our friendship to become a beautiful, resilient, sacrificial, and healthy one. That’s not to say that Satan won’t try to mess with it again, I’m sure he will. But by the grace of God our loving hearts can resolve any difficulties that might arise.

Oftentimes, it is only through these tough, yet earnest and well intentioned, conversations that we can help one another become better people. King Solomon writes, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). The sharpening of a tool is not painless or resistance free. The very nature of the process requires friction between the hard surfaces. The end result is clear – a sharpened countenance. The key here is to learn how to sharpen and be sharpened, how to confront in an empathetic and loving manner.

If you are familiar with the first hour of the Agpeya (Book of Hours), you know that the following is read from the Pauline Epistle:

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.
Ephesians 4:1-5

That’s the kind of Spirit we should all live by. A Spirit that is led by humility and gentleness that is always striving for peace. This is the only way to really grow. Growth isn’t always easy like I previously mentioned. I pray we can all experience this peace, even if it means enduring the uncomfortableness of confrontation in order to arrive at reconciliation and forgiveness.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Growing through Reconciliation by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/growing-through-reconciliation

Personal Growth

Personal Growth

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog, Lilies and Thorns, Sept 26, 2020.

The personal development/personal growth industry has become over a $10 Billion dollar industry. As we go through the motions of life we find ourselves at crossroads, looking for direction, or absolutely clueless as to where we want to go. This is where this incredibly sought-after industry steps in and saves the day. Now, I’m all for a good personal development book, podcast, video, course, coach etc., but all those things won’t cause positive change in your life unless you want them to. You have to struggle to become the best version of yourself through your own will. No one can push you the way you can push yourself.

As a matter of fact, the idea of this blog came to me after I finished reading a personal growth book. It was filled with great content and overall empowering. After I finished reading it, I thought to myself, “I wish I had something like this when I was growing up that addressed all the struggles a Christian (or Coptic) girl faces in today’s society.” I did some research and couldn’t find exactly what I was looking for, so I worked up the courage to create this blog. That’s how “Lilies and Thorns” was born.

We are holistic beings. We are spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, and social beings with great depth. Each of those areas are grown in different ways. Some easier than others.

I want to start by pointing out the obvious: in order to really know ourselves, we must first know God. After all, we are made in His image and according to His likeness. If you want true growth, you must draw from the source of all goodness Himself. Seek Him first, struggle in your relationship with Him, and all the other aspects of your life will come together in harmony.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Matthew 6:33

So much of our time and energy goes to focusing on our worldly success, especially in our adolescent and young adult years. We want to get good grades, so we study really hard. We want to get into a good college, so we do everything we can to make our college applications undeniable. We want to get a good job, so we obsessively polish our resumes. We want to find a life partner, so we keep looking until we find someone who’s marriage material. The list can go on forever.

What we often forget to focus on is our personality, and how it’s being shaped by all these circumstances. Whether the situations are joyous or painful, we should be growing from every single one of them. Are we being resilient in the midst of a mental battle? Are we being persistent in the midst of rejection? Are we being immovable in the midst of negative social influence? Are we being firm in our faith in times of doubt?

Personal growth can be transformative if we allow not just the good, but also the “bad” moments to be lessons. When we lift up all those experiences in prayer to Christ, they can be pivotal in allowing us to grow. Prayer and spiritual guidance can help us gain clarity and see the direction we want to take our spiritual, mental, physical, emotional and social life in.

We might have some deep wounds that are covered by flowery bandages. We can ignore them all we want, but in order to truly grow we have to take a deep look at ourselves. What are those ugly and dark parts of ourselves that we try so hard to hide from others? Whether those things are a result of our own mistakes or someone else’s mistakes, I urge you to face them straight on. You might need the help of a counselor or therapist to rip off that bandage and start really healing your wounds. There is never any shame in seeking help. That’s the first part (and maybe the easier part), the second part is actually doing the work to self-heal. Let your wounds become beautiful battle scars, letting each one tell a story of how you’ve grown and conquered your struggles!

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

Over the next few weeks I’ll be writing about how we can grow in many different ways. How we can grow from pain. Not self-inflicted pain, but pain that God allows us to go through for the purpose of refining us. How we can grow from conflicts in our friendships and relationships if we address them properly. Reconciliation is a Christian concept we often don’t know how to approach. How we can grow from grief, specifically the loss of a loved one (this will be a guest post). I hope you come along for the ride, and I pray you all benefit from this series.

Every Effort

By Michael

Originally seen on Becoming Fully Alive blog site, 6 March 2014

So the other day I was reading Hebrews 4 and came across this verse;

“Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will perish by following their example of disobedience.”
Hebrews 4:11

I didn’t think much of it at first but then the Holy Spirit spoke loudly to me and has had me thinking deeply about it since.

As you know every word in the Bible is inspired by the Holy Spirit – nothing’s just there haphazardly. But I couldn’t help but feel like those words “every effort” were a little daunting. Every time I read this verse, this is exactly what I pictured;

St. Paul did says “every effort to enter that rest,” right?! So surely this is the “every effort” he’s referring to… I have to push the huge boulder that is the world to enter God’s rest… I have to overcome temptation, pride, anger and all the sins that entangle me to enter that rest, and realistically that’s just never going to happen… I have to toil and labour and I should just accept the fact that this spiritual journey is going to be difficult and tiresome… I’m probably going to give up soon and get completely crushed by this boulder which means I’ll never enter His rest. I allowed a chain reaction of these negative thoughts to continue to infest my mind for a while but the Holy Spirit quickly came to my rescue (as He always does!) and lifted me higher so I can view the situation from a bird’s-eye view.

Fast forward to verse 15 in the exact same chapter and it says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are — yet he did not sin.” Hebrews 4:15. Wow. Isn’t Jesus just amazing? Our high priest, the King of kings, my Creator the Almighty God empathizes with my weakness. He understands! He gets the struggle I have with sin. Because He himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted (Hebrews 2:18). He’s not asking me to do something that He’s never had to go through – He was tempted too except He completely overcame sin. I’m in awe at the level of humility my Creator must have in order to allow Himself to be tempted by Satan. And not only can He 100% relate to my struggle. Verse 12 says “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow…” Hebrews 4:12. He tells me that His word can penetrate absolutely anything, even the filthiest innermost parts of my soul that I’ve successfully hidden from everyone else – yes even those parts! His word is active and has power to terminate once and for all the sin I’ve so willingly allowed to grow in my soul.

I went to liturgy today and the Gospel reading was about our Lord Jesus feeding the four thousand. You know that overwhelming, warm, peaceful feeling that you get when you’re in the presence of the Lord and He whispers sweet words to your soul… yep I got that wonderful feeling through the following verse; “Jesus called his disciples to him and said, ‘I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way.’” Matthew 15:32. I instantly heard the Holy Spirit whisper in my ear “remember Hebrews 4:11? do you still think that asking you to make every effort to enter My rest is daunting?”. When Jesus saw these people following him for three days straight, He had compassion on them. Our God is a God who feels. He didn’t want to send them away hungry so they don’t collapse on the way home – how loving!! He really, really cared for the well-being of these people. He knew their needs and out of His sweetness provided them with food that they hadn’t even asked for! ….Then it clicked.

Yes, God does ask me to make every effort to enter His rest… but every effort through Him! Of course the image in my mind was me really struggling to push this giant boulder…I completely took God out of the equation – I removed Jesus from Hebrews 4:11. I thought that I was going to have to struggle on my own so I can reach His rest and forgot that Jesus, my God who loves me abundantly, is walking right beside me through every spiritual struggle. My loving Jesus will look at my effort to walk with Him and straight-away provide me with the nourishment I need so I don’t collapse. I know that He’ll do that because He, being perfect, allowed Himself to be tempted by Satan – He empathizes with my weakness and knows that I need His support. I’m not on my own, I simply need to run into the arms of Love. And in those arms, I discover His word that is alive and active, able to penetrate my soul and rid me of my sin.

I’m not making every effort by myself. I’m making every effort through my God’s power.
Now there’s a new image engraved in my mind;

“The Lord will fulfil his purpose for me; your love, Lord, endures forever.”
Psalm 138:8

Original blog available at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/every-effort/

Afraid To Be Free

By Fr Antonios Kaldas,

Originally seen on Fr Antonios Kaldas blog site, 8 October 2012

Most people take it for granted that each of us is free to choose in life. But some philosophers, such as Jean-Paul Sartre, claim that most people do not really want to be free. Choices have real consequences, and freedom brings with it responsibility. People do not want to be held responsible for the consequences of their actions. What if I make the wrong decision? What if the consequences are bad? I don’t want to be held to blame! I don’t want to feel guilty. And so, people seek ways to shift the responsibility on to someone or something else, whether they know they are doing this or not.

One famous way of doing this is “the devil made me do it”. But a more subtle way of shifting responsibility is to lay it upon God, or upon His representatives on earth. Sartre points out that when a person adopts a faith, they surrender some of their freedom. They surrender the freedom to decide for themselves what is right and wrong, for by subscribing to their faith’s moral code, that decision is taken out of their hands. Of course, each person is still free to choose whether to obey their faith’s moral code or not – they are still quite free and quite responsible in that sense, but they are no longer responsible for the content of the moral code itself.

Now I do not see this as a bad thing in itself. We humans are, after all, quite fallible, and we have a disturbing tendency to try to cheat to make life comfortable for ourselves. If there is a genuinely objective right and wrong in the world (as most people would agree there is), then we are much more likely to find it when God tells us what it is than when are left to work it out for ourselves. We are just far too prone to seeing things in ways that are convenient to us instead of seeing them as they really are.

But there is a variation on this that can be quite harmful and can do a lot of damage. That is, when we confuse the Truth of God for the teachings of men. All men are fallible, whoever they are. Jesus Himself criticised the scribes and Pharisees for teaching the precepts of men as if they were the commandments of God. Perhaps this too is a responsibility that each of us has, to do our best to distinguish between those moral laws that are of human origin and those that are divine. As a priest, it is incumbent upon me also to specify clearly to people when I am “quoting God” and when I am speaking off my own bat. There is a big difference between me encouraging someone to forgive someone who has hurt them and me encouraging someone to make a particular career choice I think suits them.

It is a sin to surrender your freedom to another human being. Just as we cannot say, “the devil made me do it”, neither will the excuse, “but I was just following orders” carry any weight. Few people today would excuse the foot soldiers responsible for carrying out the atrocities of Nazi Germany or Bosnia because they were “just following orders”. And yet, we humans appear to have a disturbing need to obey even the worst of orders. The famous experiments of Stanley Milgram last century are testimony to that horrible reality about us.

Yet this disturbing tendency seems to crop up in all aspects of life. For example, many employees are daily tested as to whether they will follow orders and do things they know or at least suspect deep down to be immoral. Students in a school playground are daily tested as to whether they will just follow the crowd or the popular kids instead of standing up for what they know to be right.

And it happens in Churches too. How many people in the Catholic Church were aware or suspicious of the terrible child abuse that is only now being gradually uncovered? Why did so many otherwise decent, compassionate and honest people remain silent about it? Quite simply, because they were told to, whether overtly or implicitly, by the hierarchy of the Church. And they surrendered their responsibility to these leaders. As a result of this silence, the abuse continued for far longer and spread far further than it should have.

There are practical reasons for accepting responsibility. Pastor Martin Niemoller was imprisoned for taking personal responsibility for speaking out against the Hitler regime. His chilling words illustrate one of these reasons:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.

As Christians, we cannot live alone. We do not have the luxury of saying, ‘it’s fine, so long as I am alright’. As the Desert Father said, ‘our life and death is with our brothers’. Anything that hurts another human being hurts me, for we all share the same image of God. As Christians, we are our brother’s and sister’s keepers. This is what divine love means. This is the love modelled by Jesus ‘who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross’ (Philippians 2:6-8).

Whether we like it or not, we are free. It was God who created us free. Free to help or ignore others in need. Free to stand silently while atrocities and injustices are perpetrated, or to speak against them, whatever the cost. And yes, we can try to surrender this freedom to make life a little less scary for ourselves, but the price for such a surrender is high, O so high! It is nothing less than our very humanity itself.

Original blog available at- http://www.frantonios.org.au/2012/10/08/afraid-to-be-free/

Loveable Self-Image

Loveable Self-Image

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally seen on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, September 19, 2020.

Self-Image Definition: the way you think about yourself and your abilities or appearance.

The topic of self-image is a near and dear one to my heart. I’ve previously mentioned it in an earlier post about confidence, and as I promised in that post, here is more about it.

I recently asked people on my Instagram how they view their self-image, and here are some of the responses I got:

Not as I would like myself to be
As someone who has failed in life
A very broken work in progress
Too chubby not so smart

Do any of these sound familiar? We are always our own worst critic; quickly pointing out our flaws and failing to see how great we are. So how do we get out of that negative mentality?

The secret is to focus on the positives, and rewire how you look at the negatives. You also have to figure where these negative thoughts are coming from and how to overcome them.

So I am going to start out with giving you a little homework assignment. I want you to take a long look in the mirror and write down three things that you see that you love about yourself. The next day add more to that list, and the following day do the same thing, and keep going. If you hit a roadblock just ask your close friends or family what they like about you, and I bet their list is probably longer than yours.

Since this topic is about self-image, I’m talking about writing down physical attributes. Yes, your personality is wonderful too, but I hope you already know that (if you don’t, check out the other posts in this series). So if you love your hair, arms, eyes, smile or anything else, write that down, because too often when we look in the mirror the first things that jump out at us are our “flaws.” For example, if you don’t like your legs, that’s the first place your eyes will go when you look in the mirror. And here is an even bigger challenge. Ask yourself, “Why don’t I like my ______?” (you fill in the blank).

Is it because I see other girls that look better and it makes me feel less-than? Is it because I’ve been bullied to believe I am not beautiful enough or thin enough? Is it because I was told to dress a certain way to hide my femininity? Let’s explore these thoughts together.

Our self-image really takes a big hit when we compare ourselves to others. In the world of social media we can be bombarded with thousands of people who are picture-perfect. Please do yourself a huge favor and ignore the Instagram models. Do you know how long it takes them to look like that? I’d argue it takes a few hours to do full hair and makeup and pose for a hundred pictures until they get the perfect one. Not to mention the photo editing that follows. Trust me, the whole “woke up like this” thing is a myth. So if you find yourself feeling down after looking at those posts, it’s totally okay (and highly recommended) to unfollow them. You have full control over what fills your newsfeed. I suggest following people with a similar body type, who you can tell from the way they dress have similar values to you. That means their page isn’t full of bikini pictures and provocative poses.

Ladies, don’t let your self-worth be defined by the likes and how many fire emojis you get in the comments. Don’t you dare give people that much power over your self-confidence. Stop giving people on the internet or in real life any power over how you feel!

If you give an ear to people’s negative comments then you start believing their hurtful judgement. This is where you have to take things in one ear and out the other, which is easier said than done. Bullies exist and unfortunately sometimes they are unavoidable. They could be your classmates, or sadly even your family members. I write this with a heavy heart because I know it’s sometimes our own parents that are constantly putting us down about things like our weight. To that I say, if you are doing your best to be healthy and take care of your body then forget whatever anyone else says! But if you’re not, then what’s stopping you from taking care of your body like the temple it truly is?

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Our community sometimes doesn’t know how to properly teach us to love our bodies. The main message you might have heard growing up is to be modest and cover up. While there is a truth to that, this message might have been delivered and also taken the wrong way by some. I do believe that no one should be flaunting cleavage or wearing super tight clothing that shows just about everything. However, I don’t ever want you to believe that there is something wrong with your body or your curves that you need to go to extremes to hide them. Embrace your femininity in a healthy and God-fearing way.

I knew a girl in high school that would always tie sweaters around her waist to cover her backside. She was a little blessed in that area, and was so self-conscious about it that she felt the need to always hide it. She didn’t realize that God made her that way on purpose and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being comfortable in her own skin. It’s not her fault that popular culture sometimes over-sexualizes a woman’s figure, and she was trying to be mindful not to draw the wrong kind of attention to herself.

Girls, God created Eve with all that beauty for a reason, and He doesn’t make mistakes. After all, we were created in His image. “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27). You are the Lord’s handiwork, and to judge your appearance as anything less than beautiful is to deem God’s work as inadequate.

I totally believe in the idea of “look good, feel good, do good.” I’m all about healthy self-care. It’s totally fine to spend time on your hair, your outfit or your makeup if you choose, as long as your self-worth isn’t based on that. Because we all have bad hair days, and our self-love should not disappear on those days. Love yourself and be confident in yourself no matter what your outside appearance looks like. As long as you are following St. Peter’s advice in 1 Peter 3: 3-4 then you’re good. “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

Candace Cameron Bure does a great job talking about this point in chapter five of her book “Kind is the New Classy.” She focuses on practicing healthy self-care and knowing that what’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside.

On that instagram question I mentioned in the beginning, I also got some good answers. Some people wrote:

His daughter
Beautiful
Priceless; my “price tag” is the blood of Christ
Resilient and confident… wasn’t always like this actually

These are the kind of answers I want you to have when you think about your self-image. Confidence doesn’t just show up overnight, it is something you work on, struggle with and conquer by the grace of God. And if you ever need any encouragement, I’m always a message away!

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Loveable Self-Image by Lilyan Andrews. Available at: https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/lovable-self-image

Intentional Self-Love

Intentional Self-Love

By Lilyan Andrews

Originally posted on Lilyan Andrews’ blog Lilies and Thorns, Sept 5, 2020.

Self-Love Definition: Love of self: an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue.

It looks like this title caught your attention and you’re here to read more about it. Awesome. Now tell me, what thoughts or feelings did that title evoke in you? Are you struggling with self-love? Or do you have a good sense of self-love and want to grow it even more? Or is this a foreign concept that you’ve never heard of?

Whatever your answer is, please allow me to walk you through why I think self-love is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. And how it is the foundation of every other relationship in your life.

God is the Source of All Love

Let’s start with where to get this self-love from. God Himself is the epitome of love. So where else would we find love other than the source himself? God proved His ultimate love for us by sending His Son to die on our behalf, so that we may be reunited with Him. His love for us is everlasting and unconditional. When Christ died for mankind on the cross, He did not only die for everyone, but especially just for you. I know that can be a hard concept for us to wrap our minds around, but it’s a foundational concept we must understand. His love for each of us is personal and special.

God loves you and therefore you should love yourself. If the most perfect Being loves you to the point of death, then why in the world would you not also love yourself? What is holding you back from diving straight into loving yourself? Is it the thought and shame of your past mistakes?

Forgiving Yourself is Essential for Loving Yourself

If your sins are hindering you from self-love, you need to know that this is from Satan and not from God. Because once you’ve repented and confessed, your sins are erased and you’re as good as new. We read in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

Satan has a way of making us feel worthless and unlovable, and that’s total (for a lack of a better word) garbage. Ladies, forgive yourself. If the Almighty Judge has already forgiven you, why are you still punishing yourself? Lift your head up high and walk confidently knowing that forgiveness renews all, and from that you can start or continue on the path of self-love.

Let’s take the Samaritan woman as an example. When God’s love touched her, she could not contain her joy. She ran to the town people and told them about Christ. “And many of the Samaritans of that city believed in Him because of the word of the woman who testified, ‘He told me all that I ever did.’ ” (John 4:39). Here is a woman who went to draw water from the well at the most undesirable time so she would not run into anyone. She was embarrassed about her lifestyle, and when the Lord asked her about her husband she didn’t give him the whole story. But through His gentle and loving way she found forgiveness and was made new. There is no doubt that her self-love and love for God grew tremendously through that experience.

Love Yourself so You Can Love Others

There is a great Ted Talk I listened to about self-love (if you can’t already tell from last week’s post, I love Ted Talks). In it the speaker says, “Once you decide to love who you are, you can then take that love that you have for yourself and spread it to other people. Because without that self-love you limit your ability to pour into the loves of other people and add value to them.” I’m going to take that idea a step further and say that on top of self-love you need to be also filled with God’s love.

God is the source of all good things. From Him we learn what true love looks like. And as human beings we long to receive love and give love. But in order to give love you must draw that love from Him. We cannot give what we do not have.

How many relationships in your life are depending on love? Maybe it’s love to your parents, siblings, friends, or – if applicable to you – a spouse. All those people need love from you, but you can run dry if you are not filled with love for yourself and love for God.

So here is a simple breakdown:

Love God
Love Yourself
Love Others

Before I got into a relationship with my husband I was at a place where I was very comfortable with who I was as a person. I wasn’t looking for someone to complete me. God was already doing that for me. I struggled a lot to get to a place where I fully loved myself, but thank God I made it there somehow. And because of that I could give love and receive love in a healthy way. Self-love is instrumental in any serious relationship.

An issue that can occur when we lack self-love is trying to find it in an unhealthy way. Some people lack that self-love and place such a heavy burden on the close people in their life to fill that hole for them. Or in their search for love, they can compromise themselves and their values just to get the attention they so desperately want. If you are struggling with this I pray that your eyes are open to see your true worth, and you fall so deeply in love with God and yourself that you are no longer tempted by false love from others.

Self-Love is Key

Loving yourself means you are in control of your own joy. You recognize that God’s love is the first and foremost love that you need, and that you actually already have it! You’re working on loving Him and getting to know Him. Once you’re filled with self-love fueled by His love, you can now love others. That self-love is such an important foundation for everything else in your life.

Practical Tip

I love to write things down. I’ve started getting into the habit of writing letters, especially when I’m super zealous, to myself to open at a future time. The letters are usually titled, “Open When You Need Encouragement,” “Open When You Feeling Like Quitting,” and “Open When You Need a Reminder that You are Enough.” I’ve recently added one titled, “Open When You’re Lacking Self-Love.” I encourage you to do the same. Your letter has to be personal to you, write about your struggles and your motivations for overcoming them. Keep that letter around and read it when you need a little boost of positivity.

(c) Lilyan Andrews (2020). Intentional Self-Love by Lilyan Andrews. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/intentional-self-love

Unconditional Self-Worth

Unconditional Self-Worth

By Lilyan Andrews

Original post by Lilyan Andrews at Lilies and Thorns blog site, August 28, 2020

Self-Worth Definition: A sense of one’s own value as a human being.

You might be wondering what is the difference between self-worth and self-esteem. I’d like to share this great Ted Talk with you all about self-worth. The speaker defines the difference as the following:

“Self Esteem is derived from our abilities, accomplishments, social positions and things we believe we can achieve. We can bolster our self-esteem by improving our skills or performance, and our self-esteem goes up and down depending on how we are doing in various aspects in our lives. In contrast, unconditional self-worth is distinct from our abilities and accomplishments. It’s not about comparing ourselves to others. It’s not something we can have more or less of. Unconditional self-worth is the sense that you deserve to be alive, to be loved and cared for, to take up space.”

Unconditional self-worth is not tied to anything you have done or have not done, it’s not based on any condition. It is not founded on your social standing, your career, your marital status, your good or bad deeds, your purity, etc. Your self-worth is knowing that you are a daughter of the King of kings. Period.

You are worthy because you are a child of God! Worthy of an extremely rewarding and fulfilling life that leads you to eternal glory.

You might be thinking that you’re not worthy because of your past mistakes or imperfections. I have news for you: no one is perfect, we are all sinners. St. Paul even says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). All our past, current, and future sins did not stop Christ from dying for us. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8). We are so valuable, that it was none other than the precious blood of Christ that was able to redeem us. If the almighty God Himself sees a worth in us and loves us to the point of death, then how dare we not see that worth in ourselves?!

I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes I lose sight of my self-worth when I sin over and over again. Especially when I was younger and thought that my self-worth was equivalent to my purity. So every time I fell into temptation and defied my purity I felt like I was worthless. Maybe it was an idea I got from cultural teachings, but it was an incorrect teaching indeed. God’s love for me is never affected by my sins. No matter what I have done, He always wants me to repent and turn back to Him. Don’t be so worried over your “reputation” or what people think of you. God’s grace has a beautiful and mysterious way of covering up your flaws and allowing people to see the good in you. I wish I could give you exact examples of how He has done this in my life, but that would be too personal for this blog, so just trust me on this one.

Next time you question your self-worth, remember how valuable you are as a child of God. Remember that you are only human, and humans sin and make mistakes, but that never takes away from your worth or disqualifies you from being His child. It’s only when you reject Him and His Holy Spirit that you detach yourselves from the source of life and lose sight of your true worth.

If we really understood our self-worth it would help us fight our demons. Especially the temptation of looking for love and validation from the wrong people. How many times do we find ourselves in an unhealthy relationship because we are looking for attention and trying to bandage the deep wounds we have of thinking we are not good enough? Ladies, this is such a dangerous thing we have to be careful not to fall into. (This post has more on this temptation).

I know how hard it can be in this day in age to see how valuable and worthy we really are. When the world is bombarding us with messages of how thin we need to look and how perfect we need to act, it can be challenging to see beyond that. We’re mistaken if we tie our self-worth to anything outwardly.

Our God is a God of hearts and He sees beyond the surface. “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7). So instead of spending so much time obsessing over our physical attributes, let’s focus on our hearts.There is a great book I read a long time ago that talks about how the heart matters more than anything else in all creation, and the beauty behind how God designed women. Check out “Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul” by John and Stasi Eldredge if you are looking for a deeper understanding on this subject.

Girls, you have to know that you are enough! Repeat that as many times as you need to in order to engrave it in your mind. “I am enough!” You don’t need to add anything to yourself to be good enough. Of course you should still pursue your dreams and goals, but whether you achieve them or not, you are still enough. Adia Gooden says in the Ted Talk, “Cultivate unconditional self-worth by shedding the belief that you are not good enough.”

Let us all pray for each other and encourage each other to get to know Him more, because that’s the only way we get to understand our true self-worth. See yourself through His eyes! Work on seeing and believing you are worthy, unconditionally.

(c) Lilyan Andrews. Unconditional Self-Worth by Lilyan Andrews. Lilies and Thorns Blog site. Available at https://www.liliesandthorns.com/post/unconditional-self-worth

Cracked Hearts and Open Arms

Cracked Hearts and Open Arms

By Bethany Kaldas

‘But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.’
Luke 6:35-36

One of the hardest things in life is to love and not be loved in return—or perhaps even worse, to love and be mistreated in return. I’m not mainly speaking in a romantic sense (in fact, to take this in a romantic sense may be quite unwise)—this goes far deeper than that. A parent who does everything he can to show love to his child and yet gets nothing but angst and rebellion and spite in return goes through just as much, if not more, agony as the unrequited lover. A servant may feel the darkest despair when she pours her whole heart and soul out to reach the young girl who is straying from Christ, only to have the girl fight back like she’s the enemy. You may do everything you can to hold on to a dear friend, but sometimes they still walk away.

I’ve heard it said occasionally, within the Church, that it is better to guard your heart against the world, not to love anyone or anything too much, because nothing here lasts. There is some truth to that—though, perhaps, not the way it first seems. But you can see why the idea seems to make sense, right? People quarrel, they leave, they change from being caring to being cold, they can turn against you on the slightest provocation. Even if none of this happens, everyone dies eventually. Even pets, even places, even inanimate objects are unlikely to outlast your affections. You’ll be burned in the end.

The truth is, no matter how much effort you put into a relationship—of any kind—and even if you do everything right, there is no such thing as a safe love. There is a way in which pain and love are inseparable. You must have open arms to love, and it is when your arms are open that you are at your most vulnerable.

So why go through with it? If open arms mean broken hearts, then wouldn’t it be better to always keep your guards up? Why would you ever let anyone in? Who could possibly be worth it?

‘There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.’
C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

If you live in constant fear of death, you will never live at all. If you only love when you are certain your heart will not be wounded, you will never love at all. Love of any kind is the inevitable risk of being broken apart.

‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces muchgrain.’
John 12:24

A grain doesn’t just need to be buried to live—it also needs to be cracked open. You can’t walk out of a tomb before the stone has been rolled away, no matter how exhausting and painful that process is, no matter how much the sunlight burns your eyes. And it will burn. Love is a leap. Love is a risk.

‘The leap of faith always means loving without expecting to be loved in return, giving without wanting to receive, inviting without hoping to be invited, holding without asking to be held. And every time I make a little leap, I catch a glimpse of the One who runs out to me and invites me into his joy, the joy in which I can find not only myself, but also my brothers and sisters. Thus the disciplines of trust and gratitude reveal the God who searches for me, burning with desire to take away all my resentments and complaints and to let me sit at his side at the heavenly banquet.’
Henri J.M. Nouwen, Return of the Prodigal Son

Love is not safe. Your heart will be broken. But there is One who broke His heart for you first. A Love that shone so bright, not from the safety of a throne as you know it, but hung in agony from a cross, pierced by nails and thorns. His heart broke so that all the cracks in yours, so small by comparison, can shine with the light of His.

Love’s as hard as nails,
Love is nails:
Blunt, thick, hammered through
The medial nerves of One Who, having made us,
Knew The thing He had done,
Seeing what all that is
Our cross, and His
C. S. Lewis, Love’s Warm as Tears

Believe it or not (and people are very unlikely to ever say this to you out loud in actual words) but everyone—even the most stubborn, arrogant, irritating people you know—has a cracked heart. Everyone wants to be loved, even if they don’t always act like they care. Love is never wasted, but they may sting you. When they see the cracks in your heart they might strike. After all, that is what we did to Him.

When you open your heart, when you love knowing it might break you, that is when you see Him. That is when you become like Him. He died, not that you might remain safe in the tomb, but that you might meet Him beyond it. There’s no light in that tomb, no breath, no life. Life awaits you beyond the walls you’ve put around your heart. He awaits you still. For all the cracks you’ve put in His heart, all the nails in His hands, still He awaits you with arms open.

God has given you a heart, and although cracks run through it, however deep, however wide, He has filled it with His love. Let that love shine through the fractures in your own heart to theirs. Show them what it means to be loved regardless. He’s shown you that you’re worth it—take that risk. Show them they are too.

‘We love Him because He first loved us.’
1 John 4:19

Upside Down Kingdom

By Monica

Originally seen on Becoming Fully Alive blog site, March 21, 2016

‘Do you fast? Give me proof of it by your works. If you see a poor man take pity on him…’ St John Chrysostom
As Orthodox believers are called to practice what we believe. If Orthodoxy means the ‘correct belief’ than Orthopraxy means ‘correct practice.’ This correct practice involves preaching by using our hands to serve. It means clearing the stench of economic division with the air of reconciliation. It means doing more than theorising. It means acknowledging the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit in the Church, and walking humbly – and boldly – into the thick darkness, so that we might proclaim freedom to the captives, and demand justice for the oppressed.

The thing about social justice is that it’s not “elsewhere,” it is here and it is a part of us. It is healing the wounds that we have created in the body of Christ. It is breaking every barrier that stops us being gathered together into the arms of Christ.

“How often I wanted to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, but you were not willing!” (Luke 13:34)

Would you do honour to Christ’s body? Neglect Him not when naked; do not while here you honour Him with silken garments, neglect Him perishing without of cold and nakedness. For He that said, “This is my body,” and by His word confirmed the fact, This same said, “You saw me hungered, and fed me not;” and, “Inasmuch as you did it not to one of the least of these, you did it not to me (Matthew 25:42- 45).” For this indeed needs not coverings, but a pure soul; but that requires much attention.
-St. John Chrysostom Homily 50 on Matthew

In the story of Lazarus and the rich man (Luke 16:19-31), the rich man saw poverty and suffering around him, but he chose apathy. Maybe, he, like the priest who passed by the man in the story of the good Samaritan, was on his way to church or some service. Busying himself, he forgets to act justly. He forgets he is made for justice. Maybe in serving at the table of the Lord, we have forgotten to serve the table of the poor.

“When His table indeed is full of golden cups, but He perishes with hunger? First fill Him, being a hungered, and then abundantly deck out His table also. Do you make Him a cup of gold, while you give Him not a cup of cold water? And what is the profit? Do you furnish His table with cloths bespangled with gold, while to Himself you afford not even the necessary covering? And what good comes of it? For tell me, should you see one at a loss for necessary food, and omit appeasing his hunger, while you first overlaid his table with silver; would he indeed thank you, and not rather be indignant?” -St John Chrysostom, Homily 50 Matthew

The thing about social justice is that it is forgotten. We forget that working towards social justice is what it means to celebrate the liturgy on the streets.
When seeking the kingdom of heaven, let us remember that in the parable of the pearl, the pearl was not found in the clouds but amongst the dirt, hidden under rocks and soil (Matthew 13: 45-46). It takes getting your hands dirty to get it out; hidden behind the poor, the broken, the marginalised.

Do you desire greatness this lent, and in your spiritual life?

Jesus redefined it:

“he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves. For who is greater, he who sits at the table, or he who serves? Is it not he who sits at the table? Yet I am among you as the One who serves.” (Luke 22:26-27)

We serve a God of an upside-down Kingdom where the meek will inherit, where those who serve are greater than those who sit on thrones, there is strength through weakness, exaltation through humility, receiving through giving, freedom from servitude.

Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry.
Isaiah 58:6

O Lord Jesus,
Let your upside-down kingdom come
Help us fast from injustice
Keep our eyes wide open to suffering
Help us flee from apathy

This post is dedicated to a friend in Jordan

Original blog available at- https://becomingfullyalive.com/upside-down-kingdom/